Sunday, June 29, 2014

Turning 30

Me and Mason at the beach not sure the age difference, I might be 3 here. 

turned 30 this month and I can honestly say it didn't bother me one bit. If anything it felt right to finally be in my 30's. Grief wise, it feels a little lighter to be out of my twenties (the decade in which we lost Addison). Like maybe 30's won't bring the same kind of pain that my twenties did. Please oh please! Not to mention I feel like grief has aged me so much that 30's feels slightly more legit. Hello gray hairs, I see you. 

For Brian's 30th we went to Las Vegas. I was pregnant with Addison and life seemed to be pretty perfect. We had everything to look forward to. Fast forward four years (3.5 from grief) and things look differently. Although, I will admit there are still many things to look forward to. It's just a much different life I had pictured four years ago. 

We talked about going to Vegas again, but I wanted to bring Mason and I don't care what people tell you, the strip isn't exactly family friendly. What I really wanted to do was something the whole family could be apart of. Growing up we did a lot of camping and beach trips as a family with my grandparents. Those are some of my best and happiest memories. I wanted that for Mason, for my family and for me. 

My grandparents had a motorhome and we would tent camp with them. We looked into renting an RV, but for the price, it made sense to rent a house instead. Mason is a great sleeper, but only in ideal conditions. I wouldn't trust him in a tent just yet. Brian rented a great beach house in Lincoln City, Oregon and we started planning our trip. 

The house was even nicer than the pictures showed and the little neighborhood was just as cute as can be and screamed beach. Shells lined the driveway, cruiser bikes in the garage, adirondack chairs on the porch and the ocean just minutes away with sand for days. 

I was smiling so big that first day that my family kept asking me why. I was just SO happy. I can't even describe how much I needed this trip. 

Our group included my mom, dad, Brian, Mason, my brother, my sister and each of their significant others (Lyndsey and Kyle). 

I was worried we might get bored of 5 days at the ocean, but now I wish we could have stayed 10! 

Spending time at the beach was definitely my favorite. Flying kites, running in the water and building sandcastles. Watching Mason grin from ear to ear every moment of every day. He LOVED having all of his people in one place. 
Top left my grandma and I, top right my mom and M. Bottom left my grandparents and I, bottom left M with Brian and my dad and the SAME rainbow kite :)

We found some little shops and one was a Christmas store. I actually wanted to go inside. I really loved looking in there and it made me miss Christmas. I might need to start celebrating Christmas in June. I bought an advent calendar. It's something I hope to have forever, something Mason will hopefully have fond memories of and something to remember our trip by. I'm seriously thinking of buying all my Christmas stuff and making all my plans now so that when Christmas comes it is already done. It may be the only way we ever really do anything in December. Not kidding. 

The day of my birthday was so relaxed and wonderful. More beach time and of course an ice cream cake! It was my plan to write all names in the sand for all of the babies that I love, but the sun set so quickly I only had enough time for Addison and a few special birthdays coming up. 

Each birthday has been so hard since Addison died and while I still missed her as much as always, this was the most wonderful birthday. I guess it surprised me a little that is was so wonderful. I really didn't think I would have that again. It was so nostalgic, I couldn't help but post some of my favorite beach pictures from my childhood next to Mason.

Going back home to reality was hard, but I am so thankful to go home with such fun memories. We even got to recreate the picture from when I was 3 with my parents, grandparents and uncle. Our new picture unfortunately does not include my sister as she had another stop to make on the way home, but we did include a pink parasol in front of my mom to represent Addison. 

Cheers to the dirty thirty!


  1. I love this. I hope your 30s bring you much, much happiness. That vacation looks wonderful.

    And I think you may be on to something with planning Christmas in the summer... I should probably do my Christmas shopping now since my energy and desire to do anything fun goes downhill so sharply as December approaches.

  2. So special. Love these pictures and I just love that you were able to go and ENJOY this trip. You deserve that. We carry our grief with us at all times so it's nice to be able to enjoy things from time to time.

    And I've said it before and will several more times, but I just think your family is amazing. I love how wonderful they are about Addi. I love how close you all are. So special.

  3. You made me want a beach vacation. With your family though instead of mine! Ha ha

    I am so glad you got this time away, this recharge. The joy is palpable and I think I love that most.

  4. Love this post and love you guys. SO glad your birthday was special and love the pics of you and your mom alongside pics of you and Mason.

  5. I'm so happy to hear that you had this trip, and enjoyed not so much. You deserve big happiness! It sounds like it was absolutely wonderful. I just love your family, they seem so great!

    I think you're on to something with preparing for Christmas now! I love your advent calendar too! What a special thing and hopefully sweet memories to be made for mason, and you.

  6. Yay! I love reading all the joy and happiness. And yes, like Caroline said, your family is amazing!

  7. My my family beach vacay(and where we got married) is not far south of Lincoln City in Yachats. It is so peaceful and awesome! The vastness of nature and the ocean help me feel a little more connected to our babies somewhere out there in the universe. xoxo

  8. That's amazing. It looks like you had SUCH a great time.
    I'm glad you were smiling so big. It's so great to have those little moments, even if they're so little.

    Jack would be 3/5 years old today. It's hard to even fathom what 28 year old Laura was imagining her life looking like. I know that I'm pretty happy with how it's turned out *other THAN losing Jack*… But that's such a huge caveat, you know? Life would be perfect IF he were still here.


    Seriously though, that place looks amazing. I love seeing what three year old Keleen looked like- gives me an even better idea of what three year, seven month - 4 days Addison might have. <3

  9. oh i just love that you had so much fun. that's the way it should be. i also turned 30 after i lost Julius. it didn't bother me a bit. but you make 30 look real good :) thinking of Addison always

  10. I read this live as you posted it, but somehow I didn't leave my comment!! This vacation looks almost perfect. I love the beach ( I love that house!! ) and this time looks so memorable.

    I love your family. I have such wonderful memories from my childhood with my family at cottages and beaches and camping. I now know how RICH my parents made our lives by doing all the things they loved with us. You are making Mason's life so rich with memories, it's beautiful.

    On turning 30. It happened to me in Dec. It was no biggy. I only grumbled at the fact that I should have had infancy, babyhood and a first birthday out of the way already... and turning 30 to me meant gearing up for a birthday party for a soon-to-be 2 year old boy. Instead, I was cuddling an 8 months old (WHO I LOVE) instead. Just felt a little behind is all. Sigh.

    You look great for 30. You have a baby face, and you'll look young forever you lucky girl!!

    I love all the old photos and old times with your family. Love it!!