Monday, May 12, 2014

Did you have a good Mother's Day?

Did you have a good Mother's Day? It's the question everyone seems to be asking at work today. I'm thankful that I work with such great people, it means I can be honest and say no. 

It seems unfair to say no. I have this amazing son, my mom and BOTH of my grandmas who are local and we all got to eat at the same table for dinner. Not to mention a super awesome mother-in-law in North Carolina, but the thing I don't have took over for the things I do have and I was s-a-d. 

I think Mother's Day is quite possibly the worst "holiday" of all time.

Moms who lost children=sad
Women who desperately want to be moms and can't=sad
Children (of any age) who have lost their mom=sad.  

No good. No good at all, says the lady who like to make a spectacle over all the other stupid hallmar.k holidays. I think I like to celebrate everything else so big because there is so much that I can't do (Christmas, Mother's Day, etc.) I make up for it where I can. 

The moms and grandmothers in my life didn't even get a card. I just couldn't do it. Buying a card meant acknowledging the day was coming so it didn't happen. No cute project from Mason off Pinteres.t, I just didn't have the energy.

The day itself went a little something like this:
Brian woke up with Mason and took him out for pancakes (per my request to be alone). The plan was to sleep in, but Brian sent Mason in with my card and I was awake after that.

The boys left and I took a hot shower BY MYSELF. It was glorious. No two year old pushing me out of the water claiming it's his turn after I get two seconds of water time. He's selfish like that. Then I was able to blow-dry my hair and get dressed like an adult. I did go without make-up, I knew it wouldn't be long before the tears would come. 

The tears came after receiving this picture from my mom. With the caption "Baking cookies with Addi". 

They were the good kind of tears of course. I'm so thankful to have such a great mom who loves her granddaughter so much.   

I drove to the cemetery through blurry eyes and did my best to spruce up the joint. I was glad I went. They had just mowed, they always leave it a mess and move all the special things. Some wooden flowers I left last time had been broken...they are so careless. There were several cars at the cemetery at 9:30am, I'm guessing children visiting their mamas. I was the only one in the baby section at that time. 

More tears and then I headed to the S.bucks with the drive-thru. I decided to buy the coffee for the person behind me. Maybe they were having a rough day too, maybe they weren't, but either way I hope it brightened their day. 

Next was the mall, but I forgot they didn't open that early. Luckily the red circle store never lets me down. I stood in front of the greeting card section for a good ten minutes. The cards mocked me so I left. I bought things like shampoo, conditioner, diaper geni.e refills and some construction trucks for Mason...I know, I'm glamorous. 

A new shoe store opened next door and I figured it was a good place to continue my retail therapy. I was determined to buy some new sandals with the money Brian had given me for a M-Day gift for myself. He knows me so well.  I realized that I can't shop without my sister. All I kept thinking was WWAT (what would Alisa think). I bought some anyways and luckily she approved. :)

I eventually made it back to the mall, I bought some eyeshadow and some Frang.o mints and called it a day. Did you know Frang.o makes a cookie? I ate them like a loser in my car. 

Brian had suggested a manicure/pedicure, but I kept picturing mother/daughter duos in the nail salon and it was enough to make me sick. So I kept going. 

I have been meaning to buy the new cool book on the block for Mason "Goodnight, Goodnight," so my next stop was B&N. My green tea from earlier was long gone so I decided to allow myself one more. I bought 4 books, guilt books. Here Mason, sorry mommy sucks today. Here are some books. We good?! xoxo

I couldn't think of any thing else to do on the Westside so I thought I would head back. It was sunny and warm so I thought a car wash would be good. When I got off the freeway there were guys holding out signs from JL for an oil change and I remembered that I was 3K plus over when I *should* have had it changed. I am normally a dealership only kind of girl, but it was time and I had time so there you go. I did get the car washed and called it a day.

Dinner was at my parent's house. I got there early hoping to write a blog post in the sun, but the wind was a little too much. The family showed up (mom, dad, sister, brother, both grandma's, my only remaining grandpa, two uncles and Brian with Mason). I was so thankful that I didn't have to cook or host. 

I feel like having so much means I shouldn't be allowed to feel so sad, but I was. I missed Addison so much. I miss her so much. The missing is apart of everyday, but Mother's Day is so in your face. This was my 4th Mother's Day without her and I don't see this day getting any easier. 

Next year, spa day? Any other BLM's game? Let's get out of town and be sad together. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Look who's two

April 22nd was a really big deal. Mason turned two and we celebrated like it was 1999. It's difficult to put into words how this felt, but I can say that it was amazing. No matter what happens in life we've had two whole years with our son, it's still not enough, but I am so grateful for the two years. It's so much more than we ever got with Addison. Two. Years. 

The night before Mason's birthday, Brian and I blew up what felt like a million balloons, hung streamers over his door and light and even decorated his highchair for his birthday breakfast. Brian teased me for going over the top, but also insisted we needed more balloons...he's equally as into this, he just doesn't like to admit it.

My alarm went off at 6am so we could get the most out of our day before nap time. Nap time is usually around 1, but can be pushed until 2:30 (although it's not recommended). We both took the day off work because it's such a big day for us all. It's more than just a birthday to us, it's celebrating that we got another whole year together and that is a pretty damn big deal. 

Brian and I woke up Mason by going into his room and singing "Happy Birthday". My normally grumpy waker (he likes his sleep just like his mama) was confused and also pleasantly surprised to be woken up like that.  Then he noticed the balloons and the party had 

Mason's birthday breakfast was a bowl full or his favorite berries (blackberries, raspberries, strawberries and blueberries), a glass of milk and a cinnamon roll covered in sprinkles with two blue candles. We sang to him again and he happily blew out his candles and dug in! 

There was more balloon play after breakfast and a shower. He was having so much fun, he didn't want to leave his crib of balloons. We eventually conviced him to leave by taking one balloon with us in the car. He cried everytime he dropped his "boon" until we were able to hand it back to him....what the birthday boy wants, the birthday boy gets!

Mason's party will be train themed so a friend made him the coolest birthday shirt. 

We drove to Seattle and headed to the aquarium. Mason seem underwhelmed, but would also yell "MORE" after every tank. He especially loved the "touch tank" and the jelly fish. 

After the aquarium we had lunch at Mason's favorite spot R. Robin. Seems silly to eat there after driving all the way to Seattle, but it's what we know and he loves it. Lyndsey met us for lunch and even though she is technically Uncle's girlfriend, Mason thinks she is the bees knees. Whenever we ask Mason who loves him, he always says LinEee in the top 5. 

The staff at RR sang the happy birthday song to Mason and we expected he would cry or want to hide. To our surprise he clapped right along and smiled so big. He loved every second of it. 

After lunch we went to the carousel and Mason got to play his first arcade games.

We were running on borrowed time as we were in the nap time zone, but we still pushed forward and walked to Pike.Plac.e Market. Mason loved the flowers and everything else there was to see. He walked almost the entire day on his own. We only picked him up for safey or for a boost to see something. Mason begs to walk himself and even walked all the stairs to the top on his own. 

We drove home and Mason fell asleep almost immediatley. This is big because he does NOT car nap. He only slept for 40 minutes, but it was better than nothing. 

A friend of mine is making Mason's cake for his party, but I completely forgot about a cake for his actual birthday. We picked up a last minute ice cream cake from Dairy.Q. and that made everyone happy. We sang to Mason yet again and again he blew out the candles. The night ended surrounded by family with cake and a rockin' new truck from Auntie, Nana and Papa. The truck is a running joke in my family. My sister and I both feel that we had practically perfect childhoods, but we both were sad that we never got the chance to drive a powe.rwheels. This is another one of those list of broken dream items. So excited for Mason to have one, even though I'm sure he will have a toy or two on his list of things he'd wished he'd has as a kid. For the record my list only contains two things I'd wished for and never got. Pwer.wheels and the game, Hungry Hungr.y Hippos. Firstworldproblems.  

It was almost the perfect day. The day was all about Mason, but it's always clear who was missing. I wish Addison could have been there too. I wish this was the second time we were celebrating a "two". And yet, I'm grateful for what I do have, so very grateful.