Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Her little brother

Her little brother will be two this month, TWO. It's so hard to believe and yet it is so easy to believe. We have been waiting for two for a very long time. I'm still in the space where I am so looking forward to the next stage that the past is not something I feel a longing for. I'm so happy to be where we are age wise. The older Mason gets the closer it feels like we are getting to what Addi would be doing. It's a weird space, but it's how I feel.

At almost two, Mason does not fully understand his title of little brother or that his sister Addison should live in his house and have her own toys and her own room etc. He will get it one day, but for now I can see the wheels starting to turn and connections are being made.

I wear my Addison necklace daily and almost every day Mason will grab it and say "Addi"! One of our catch phrases around here is to say "I love you so big" "who else loves you so big"? Mason will name off his people and Addi is usually included in the list. I usually add in that we love Addi so big too, to which he usually yells "yeah" or "big"!

Last week we drove by the cemetery and Mason yelled out "ADDI"!!!!!! It simultaneously broke my heart and warmed it. He now associates the cemetery with his sister. Another day we drove by he yelled her name and kept pointing. He wanted to go visit her spot. He gets it, but he doesn't. I love that he loves Addison for what he knows. I hate that for the most part, this is all he gets to know.

Today just before nap he begged and pleaded for books and rock (rocked in the rocking chair). He was insistent that we read Addison's book with her pictures in it. Of course I went along with his request. He was excited to see baby Addi and to point to pictures with mama, daddy, nana, papa etc., but he really seemed to get that the baby in the pictures is Addi. I asked him if we loved Addi and he kissed the picture and then he kissed me, I mean seriously kid at this point you can have whatever you want.

I constantly worry about how Addison will be viewed by Mason especially because he is a boy and boys usually don't show their feelings as much as girls and because he was born after her. Maybe I don't have as much to worry about as I thought I did.

He's a pretty amazing little brother and kid.


  1. He is amazing! I love that he says her name and he'll always know how loved big sister is. I'm glad he likes visiting her spot but what a punch in the gut that he doesnt have a million other big sister associations.

  2. He is an amazing little brother and kid!

    It's both heartbreaking and uplifting to hear that he points to her spot and says her name at the cemetery. But I think the way you've made sure Addi is included means that he will always know her. And I believe that since he's growing up with this knowledge and love of her, he will always love her, and feel comfortable sharing that love. Just as you share your love for both of them.

  3. I love how he loves her. So big.


  4. Love his love. Such a great brother. xoxo