Monday, April 23, 2012

He is here!

Mason Alexander
Born 4/22/12
2:51PM
7 pounds 6 ounces
20.5 inches long

I can't believe he is really here...Addison's little brother! I am still in shock.Will try to write more soon, but I wanted to share our healthy and very much alive baby boy. Labor and Delivery is in the basement of the hospital so I haven't had service to my phone to email anyone. This is the first chance I have had to pull out the laptop.


Sunday, April 22, 2012

We are in the hospital-for real!

I have never tried posting from my phone before so I will try and keep this short. We had a check in time of 8pm last night and I was shocked to hear they were actually ready for us. Brian and I both felt a little sick as we made the trip in. There was a couple leaving with their new baby as we were coming in. Brian saw me staring at them and said, "that WILL be us" oh I love his optimism. We were all signed in and headed back to our room. We got a whole new non-Addison room. I felt like throwing up when we got there until we saw not only one, but BOTH of our Addi nurses waiting for us. Our room was decorated and Happy birthday Mason was written on the white board. In an instant things were smiley and happy and not scary. I was hooked up to the monitor and what do you know...heartbeat! What a new experience. I was given miso last night twice and an ambien to help sleep. I've been up since 4am, but I really wasn't sleeping great before then...can we just have him already?!? Just hearing that galloping heartbeat on the machine is music to my ears...well that and the sound of Brian sleeping next to me. Thank God he is here and thankfully one of us is getting some sleep. I will try to update later....this is more of a test to see if it works! Still waiting for this to feel real...I still can't believe this is all really happening.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

No room at the Inn

I'm sorry to take so long to update you all....I'm still pregnant...and still at home. No I am not kidding.

Shortly after hitting "publish" on my last post I called the hospital for the pre-check in. I thought this was solely protocol and not necessary...we were scheduled after all and had arranged THIS date so we would have a specific doctor and specific nurse. I was beyond shocked and lost for words when I heard "we are full, we will call you in a few hours to tell you IF you can come in". Are you Fing kidding me?!? No, they weren't.

Brian and I didn't know what to do, we were at a total loss. We waited and waited for a phone call. Several hours later we got a phone call saying they still didn't know and would call again in a few hours.

We hadn't slept well in anticipation of what was supposed to be happening today and couldn't do anything else, but wait.

We decided to pack all of our bags into the car and go get gas and hope for the call. When it finally came we were told nothing would be happening today. NOTHING. So many emotions, so much confusion, so much...everything.

Now we have been given a different date all together. I don't even want to say it because I don't want people counting on something that won't happen.

I feel like of course this was what happened of course things didn't goes as planned of course we are let down and so are all of our family and friends....this is how our lives seem to go.

The one good thing is that Mason has been moving round great for me so I haven't had to worry *much* about his safety.

I just can't believe this happened to us, but then again I can, because it is us after all. So now we sit and wait...some more.

Thank you for all the comments and emails today. Our lap top was packed away ready for the hospital and this was the first chance I have had to sit down and give an update.

It's been a roller coaster of a day to say the least.

38 Weeks-Going to the hospital

How Far Along: 38 weeks (our baby is as big as a Pumpkin). We are checking in at the hospital in less than 2 hours and I still don't believe it.
Maternity Clothes: Hopefully not for much longer!
Movement: Pretty good, but also had a couple freak out moments.
Gender: A brother for Addison, Mason Alexander.
Symptoms: Runny nose always. Braxton hicks contractions daily. I am still only getting up to pee once per night. I can't believe that never really changed.
Cravings: Nothing really sounded especially great this week, but now that I can't eat anything  before going to the hospital some eggs and toast sound so good!
Belly Button In or Out: Still in.
Best Moment this week: Getting our maternity pictures taken was nice to cross off the to-do list.
Freak-out of the week: There were several. This started out as another hard week for Brian and I. It got better, but then we had our amnio yesterday,which caused panic and then the results...more on that later.
What I miss: I miss that I wasn't able to enjoy this pregnancy. Always grateful it, but just couldn't enjoy it the way I would have if I didn't live in the world where babies die.
What I am looking forward to: Meeting our son.
Next Appointment: Not really an appointment...just going in to be induced!
Something Else: Oh what a week! This is not one I would choose to relive!

Friday we met with our doctor and I was still only dilated between a 1-2. He brought up some policy changes in their office starting with an amnio being required for anyone delivering before 39 weeks. While I was not opposed to the amnio he also wanted my thoughts on waiting until 39 weeks. He was just doing his job, but the doubt I felt in my ability to wait another week and the fear I had in delivering too early almost made me break down right there. Brian said I looked like I would cry at any moment.

Saturday we had a cleaning/organizing party where my mom, sister and Sarah came over to help me get things ready. It was really nice to have the extra hands. Before that I took both Brian's truck and my CRV into have the car seats installed. it took forever since I had to drive one and then come back for the other. The good news is that they are in and ready to go...for a second time...please let them get used this time. That evening Brian and I argued over a new project he wanted to start...umm we have like a million more important things to do. Anyways it was another stresser for both of us. We got over it and that seemed to be the end of our problems with each other.

Sunday we went out with our friend Lyndsey to take maternity pictures. She took the ones we did with Addison too. We didn't do anything too crazy, just one location and I am pretty happy with what we got. I can't believe we almost didn't do them! After that we went to the baby CPR class that we tried to take THREE times with Addi. It got canceled every time before. When we got to the hospital, we went to the room and there was one other couple waiting....no class AGAIN! We eventually found out that they had just moved rooms. I was so glad to finally take this class and get it over with. Not to mention we met a really nice couple there!

Monday was my little brother's 19th birthday so Brian went out with the boys and I got some more things done around the house.

Tuesday I had another NST and a nice evening with the fam at dodgeball. Our team in now 6-0. Seriously SO much fun to watch! I stood the entire time hoping to get some extra contractions.

Yesterday was the amnio. I felt okay about it until that morning or I should say the middle of the night when I kept getting up. I felt like my head was okay about everything, but my body was freaking out. I felt so nauseous and terrible. I also knew I would be going my myself because Brian had to work (I had multiple people offer to go, but it's kind of a Brian or nothing thing for me). Anyways it was an odd morning and I couldn't even remember if I had fed the dogs or not. I called Brian on my way to the doctor and he said he was able to take his lunch at 9:30am just so he could make it. I felt bad about that, but was glad to have him. I knew it was going to hurt, but I was more concerned about possibly hitting Mason with the needle or any other bad outcome. Once the needle was in, it hurt, but not as bad as I thought. The worst part was that it had to stay there because Mason moved his foot and we had to wait for him to move. The needle in your uterus causes it to contract and is very uncomfortable. Plus the position I was in was making me feel sick, but of course I couldn't move. I started feeling light headed and like I would be sick. It felt like it took 10 minutes, but it was probably only 2-3. After that I had an NST. Everything was good and I was released to go back to work. It took a good 2 hours before I was feeling like myself again.

We got the results and Mason scored a 45...this is considered transitional. We were really hoping for a clear "green light". This is not immature, but it isn't mature either. Brian and I had quite the decision to make. I talked to several nurses at the office and cried. We talked about it with our family and later was able to talk to our doctor and each of the nurses that took care of Addison and I...like I got a personal phone call at home from all three of them...they are so wonderful! I have so much more to say about this and the agonizing night we had coming up with a decision, but I need to get ready to go to the hospital...so you obviously know the decision we made. It wasn't an easy one, but we made it. I will try to write more if I can. Please send all good thoughts our way today...it's going to be an emotional day to say the very least.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

37 Weeks FULLTERM

How Far Along: 37 weeks (our baby is as big as a Watermelon). Full term...for reals?!? I seriously don't know how we got here so quickly. It's been such a long road, but this doesn't feel real.
Maternity Clothes: Just wearing what I have.
Movement: Been pretty good this week although I did get a good hard kick to the ribs on Wednesday morning that hurt! I was quick to push his feet down after that one!
Gender: A brother for Addison, Mason Alexander.
Symptoms: Runny nose always. Braxton hicks contractions daily. I am still only getting up to pee once per night...this is such a foreign concept to me...I don't know how it is possible, but I like it! This week I stopped sleeping through the night (even though potty breaks are not the problem). I have spent several sleepless nights on the couch. I am keeping Brian up a lot from all my tossing and turning, but he still wants me to stay in bed when I can (so sweet of him). Sometimes I just need to move to the couch for a change. The only one who really appreciates this is Annie our lab. She thinks it is the best things ever when she gets to sleep next to me. Oh and I have been waking up with stomach aches :(
Cravings: Watermelon. I love watermelon so it may not be pregnancy related, just that it is finally stating to be in season! Yummmmm
Belly Button In or Out: Still in, getting more flat! Also I have yet to see a single stretch mark, not from Addi and not from Mason, but I did get broken capillaries around my belly button with Addi and they are back with Mason. I started noticing them 2-3 weeks ago. They are not cute, but at least they go away.
Best Moment this week: Probably our ultrasound and doctor appointment on Friday. Always good to hear good news about our baby.
Freak-out of the week: I had a meltdown on Saturday night. Too much stress. Brian has been super stressed too and we were unintentionally taking it out on each other. Things are much better now, but that night was a breaking point and I broke.
What I miss: I miss that I have missed out on this pregnancy and it's almost over. It is what it is, but I don't have to like that it is this way.
What I am looking forward to: Our doctor appointment on Friday, maternity pictures on Sunday and hopefully getting the house kicked into shape!
Next Appointment: Tomorrow, Friday the 13th. I'm not really superstitious, but....ugh. Hopefully it will just be more confirmation that everything is okay and that we are still on schedule with "the plan". More on that below.
Something Else: My weeks have not slowed down at all! We are still busy, busy, busy!

Friday we were in the Ob's office ALL afternoon. Ultrasound, NST and doctor appointment. Mason was weighing approximately 6lb 14oz! Keep in my this number could be off by a pound in EITHER direction! Yikes! I suppose a tiny baby won't be on my list of worries. The other big news is that our induction is officially scheduled for Thursday April 19th. This is the 38 week point so this may or may not be my last weekly update depending on if I have time to get the next one in! Now of course this date could change if there is a problem or if I go into labor prior, but holy cow this is crazy to me! We could be meeting our son in one week! I was dilated between a 1-2 so that is more good news and Mason was still head down, but as of Friday, he still hadn't dropped and I don't feel any difference so I am thinking he still hasn't :(

We also found out that whooping cough is a local problem and now they are asking everyone to get the pertussis vaccine. So as soon as our appointment was over both Brian and I went to get it. I don't love the idea of getting vaccinated while pregnant, but our doctor believes that the benefits outweigh the risks and that is good enough for me. I also got on the phone to let family and friends know if they want to see Mason, they better get theirs too! Don't come visit us if you haven't had one...I'm serious.

Saturday morning was great, I got up and was motivated to accomplish a ton! I was really getting a lot done until I got a text from Brian asking how I felt about taking Mason on an EIGHT hour "road trip" when he is two months old (Brian has been asked to drive some relative we don't know very well so he won't have to rent a car). Something to know about Brian is that he is always willing to help out no matter who it is or what it's for. Something I really love and admire about him, but the fact that this is happening right after our baby is born really rubs me the wrong way, it's not that I don't want him to help, but I just want him home on the few days off he gets. Anyways I call Brian back to say that if he wants to do this than that is up to him, but no way do I want my newborn in the car for that long (seriously how miserable would that be to be in a car with a newborn for that long having to pull over constantly to nurse etc.). Anyways Brian got upset with me for saying no right away and said something to the effect of "you won't be doing anything anyways" you know because staying home with a newborn is total "cake". Seriously stupid argument, but after I hung up I was just so angry. Angry that he was being asked to do this, angry that he was mad at me for not wanting to go and just angry in general that we have been bickering so much over stupid things. So I sat on the couch and thought about all the nasty things I could say to him and send via text message until an hour had passed and I called my sister to vent. After explaining the situation to her (and her agreeing with me) I started crying. So we hung up and I cried it out. That's what I was really needing. The weight of everything that has been happening and that will happen was what was behind this all and I just needed to let it out. I felt better after this and a visit with my friend, but I had no energy after all that, which was so discouraging.

I did wind up giving Annie a bath and I thought that by the time Brian got home I would be over it. I wasn't. Just looking at him made me mad. I decided talking about it wouldn't help, because we would just end up arguing again, but he kept asking me what was wrong (I'm really bad at hiding my feelings) and by bed time he went to bed and I stayed up, he eventually came out to the living room and made me talk about it, which really just made me cry, but it worked and we were good. So I guess that is that...until the next time! Ugh. Luckily we have way more good days with each other than bad, but this stress is seriously soul sucking.

I wrote about Easter in a previous post, but I do think Saturday's meltdown had something to do with not having Addi here for Easter (just one more straw to add to the pile).

Sunday night I didn't sleep through the night, Monday night I didn't either. Tuesday I had another good NST, but I forgot my cell phone at work. I practically had a panic attack that something would go wrong and I wouldn't have my phone to call Brian and that he would get another life ruining call from the hospital. Luckily my worries were unfounded and the test went great. The nurse who worked with me actually knew my story (or parts of it) because she was asking me questions about what happened with Addison and that she couldn't wait for Mason to be here and that I'd better bring him in so they could all see my healthy, happy, ALIVE baby boy. She squeezed my hand tight as she said this, it was very sweet and appreciated.

Wednesday night my mom and I went to Gymboree to use all the gymbucks we acquired...yeah shopping got a bit out of hand this month, but it was the most fun I have had during this pregnancy. I'm actually excited about shopping for Mason and that is nice. We also went to the TEARS sign up so we can walk again this year for Addison and raise money for families like us needing help with funeral expenses. I hate that there is such a need for this, but we know how great the need is. I was having a ton of contractions after this, but nothing more intense than what I have been experiencing.

I woke up at 3AM and couldn't sleep. Another night of bad sleep. This time I stayed in bed willing myself to go back to sleep. I slept on and off until 5:30 and was eventually sound asleep by the time I had to get up...isn't that always the case?!?

I'm tired today, but doing okay. I was really starting to panic that everything was going just as planned as far as appointments scheduled, Mason's birth scheduled etc. (and we know how that never works out) so today I had my first snag in "the plan". I had an appointment tonight with my wax lady (just trying to keep things neat and tidy) ha! Anyways she called and cancelled on me because she is sick and she will be out ALL next week. I am bummed about this, but as far as a hitch in the plan this is nothing...although then it has me thinking about how this is just the start of when everything starts to fall apart...gah...I hate thinking like this!

So anyways, here we are another Thursday down and only one left....WOW. How am I supposed to process this?!?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Another Easter

Another Easter...another Easter without a baby in our arms. Three years ago we announced that we were pregnant with a baby themed Easter basket. I was still so early in my pregnancy with Addison, but also very sure I would never celebrate another Easter without a child. Here we are 2 Easters since then and still no baby in our arms. Easter makes me think of Addison, but then again EVERYTHING makes me think of her.

This year instead of Easter dresses, baskets and pictures with a creepy bunny I decorated her headstone...Happy freaking Easter!

The day started off okay. Brian, my brother, sister and I went to church together. Our mom was there too, but she teaches Sunday School and never gets to sit with us. It's been a while since I have been back to this church...in between pregnancies I think. It's not so much a problem with God as it is not having found the right fit in a new church. I love the people at this one, but there are other issues that make me hate it.

We went to first service in hopes of seeing our favorite people and because it's the old people service. There are very few young people that go to this service and usually no kids...usually. But because this is MY story there were kids at this service. Four to be exact...guess how many were little girls...ALL OF THEM!!! We just so happened to be sitting next to a family with not one, not two, but THREE blond little girls fml. Brian and my sister kept staring at them while I tried to ignore them as much as possible. Ugh.

After church we went to my parent's house and it was a beyond beautiful day. Our first 70 degree day in 7 months! I can't remember the last nice Easter we have had. And then I started to get really sad because this would have been the first Easter for Addison to egg hunt and it would have been perfect for her. She would have been able to run around the grass in her pretty dress without a coat and it would have been magical....would have been.

It was a nice day with my family, but it's just not the same when the youngest child at the house is 18. It just isn't. My parent's neighbor saw me outside and made the comment that "this time next year" we will have a little one running around....yeah I thought that before and we still have nothing. I'm just not able to be as sure as everyone else.

On the way home we stopped at Addi's spot and for the first time since her stone has been there I noticed someone moved all her decorations. I was beyond pissed. I quickly moved everything back, but was just seething that someone would dare to touch my little girl's things. I knew it would happen eventually, but I just didn't need that today. Brian jokingly asked if I wanted to put up surveillance to track down the assailant...I kinda do! ha!


I'm having trouble sleeping tonight so I climbed out of bed (after explaining to Brian that everything was fine) and decided to write. I do have to share that when we first got into bed Brian turned off the lights and then I heard something fall. He said a quiet "uh oh...I think that was Addison" I was like WHAT?!?! You see when we turned the nursery into Mason's room I took her bootie urn off the shelf and moved it to Brian's nightstand. It's not going to "live" there forever, but it's been a good spot (until now). Anyways he quickly turned on the light and picked it up. After finding out that it was okay I started laughing. I told him that if she were to fall of the bed/counter of course it would be while he was in charge. He didn't find it as funny, but hey sometimes this dark humor is all I have!
The basket we made to announce to our family we were pregnant in 2010. We bought both boy and girl things and I have now anticipated using both the boy things and the girl...hopefully we will actually get to use the boy things unlike the girl things that have been boxed up. We look so young and blissfully happy...oh yeah, that's because we were...once upon a time.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

16 Months

Dear Addison,

What a month this has been, emotions have been everywhere...although I suppose that is not new. I told your dad yesterday that I would be happy when the 4th and 5th were over for this month because they would be the last 4th and 5th I would have to be pregnant with your brother. I feared two things, losing your brother on those dates or going into labor on your dates. Either way now that there is less than an hour until the 6th I feel a little lighter.

Your room is no longer pink...and is no longer *your* room. It's so hard to know it's gone, but I think you would be happy with the way it looks for your brother. Even though you never came home to that room, it will always feel special to me for you.

This month I think I spent more time at your headstone, but really I don't keep track of how often I visit so maybe I am always there that often. Your spot is decorated for Easter and you even have a new solar flower from Josh and Therese, you are so loved my sweet girl. I have a hard time finding the balance between having enough things for you and also wanting it to look clean and not cluttered. Everything for you must be just so.

Yesterday I got some really good news and I feel lighter and better than I have since....well maybe since before we lost you. Even with it being the 4th and 5th I have found myself smiling bigger than I have in months. Several people have commented that I look like "old me". Old me is gone, but it does feel good to worry a little less! I still have your brother to worry about and that is more than enough.

I really can't believe that 16 months later we are finally to the month that we have been waiting for since we lost you. It's plan B for sure, but the only one we have to work with. As we labored in the hospital with you, we told the doctor and nurse we would be back and here we are almost ready to make good on that promise. It doesn't feel real and I still just want a do-over with you.

I know you will be with us as we go through this next chapter...as we go through every chapter, but it's just not enough, I want more, I want all of you.

It's extra hard for me when the 5th falls on a Thursday. I have come to think of Thursday as your brother's day and when I posted about 36 weeks for him today I knew I HAD to post for you tonight even though I have no time for the computer. It's almost midnight, but I will post for you. As I took my 36 week photo tonight all I could think about was what did I look like at this time with you. I found the picture so I could post them side by side.

I love you my girl, you are always on my mind. I miss you so.

Love,
mommy
36 weeks with Addison
36 weeks with Mason...if I look extra tired here, it's because I am!

36 Weeks

How Far Along: 36 weeks (our baby is as big as a Coconut). We are one week away from being considered full term...I can't believe THIS is the month we should meet our son...it doesn't feel real at all.
Maternity Clothes: Been wearing all the clothes my friends have given me, I refuse to shop at this point.
Movement: He seems to have been especially active this week, almost to the point of making me call my OB...too much, too little, it all worries me.
Gender: A brother for Addison, Mason Alexander.
Symptoms: Runny nose always. Braxton hicks contractions daily.
Cravings: Anything someone else makes...I have been super anti-cooking (even more so than normal) so I will eat whatever I am given just so I don't have to cook!
Belly Button In or Out: Still in, getting more flat!
Best Moment this week: We have friends in town from CA, dodge ball started up again this week and I got good news about my time off with Mason so all in all it was a pretty good week!
Freak-out of the week: I was given a surprise baby shower on Friday and that pretty much freaked me out. It's hard because it was done with the nicest of intentions and yet I sat paralyzed through the whole thing. That's all I will say about that.
What I miss: I miss...that we are almost there and I don't feel like it.
What I am looking forward to: Tonight Brian is letting me play hooky from the B-O-R-I-N-G camera class so I can spend the evening with our friend before she heads back to CA, which makes the evening double great! Also tomorrow we have our growth scan and I get to see my doctor.
Next Appointment: Tomorrow, Friday the 6th. We have appointments up the wazoo. I am taking a half day off to get them all done. It will start with our growth scan (ultrasound) to see how big this mammoth boy is, them a doctor appointment with (in my opinion) the world's greatest OB and then we will finish the day off with our ever so lovely NST. Fun all around...okay maybe not fun so much, but more verification that this kid is okay (for the moment anyways).
Something Else: It's been another crazy full week and I am SO tired! That surprise baby shower really threw me for a loop, I really don't want to say much else because there was care behind it, it's just that no BLM does well with baby type surprises. Also I was anticipating some more bad news (non-baby related) so I was super stressed. That evening I went to the bank and used the drive through. The girl was SUPER chatty. She was all up in my business asking what the balloons I had in my car were for. I kind of mumbled they were for a baby shower and she KEPT asking questions, when was the shower and who was it for blah blah blah. She couldn't see my belly and so...I lied. I said it was for a friend. I didn't want to talk baby with her. I told Brian and he was disappointed that I lied, but he doesn't get half of the comments I do so whatever.

More shopping with my mom this weekend and I think Mason will be set for the first couple months! I found a diaper bag I liked a little better than the one I had for Addison. It still has the tags on it so I may take it back...I haven't decided. It was my one splurge (it's a Coach diaper bag) so we will see. I know that's totally ridiculous to have a Coach diaper bag, but like I said it was my one splurge.

Sunday we had a great visit with our friends visiting from CA, I wish they lived closer! We even made a trip to visit Addi's spot. I really have amazing friends. The next day when I went back that had left her a really cute solar flower <3

My sister was gone for 10 days and it was a LONG 10 days for both of us! I forget how much I rely on her until she is gone. She came over one night to help get things organized. Brian and I were arguing a lot because we are both so stressed, but she was a great mediator. It really wasn't a big deal, but when we argue it makes me want to cry. Stupid stuff like where to hang the bookshelf etc. We do not clean well together! Good thing we rarely have to clean together.

I know we didn't need ANOTHER weeknight commitment, but dodge ball started back up this week! I know it sounds super lame if you haven't experienced it, but it is SO fun! I just watch, but we have a great team that my dad, brother and Brian play on together. How often can everyone play on one team?!? Plus I have to say our team is awesome and we were 2-0 by the end of the night. I kept telling people I was the official dodge ball smuggler...baby...what baby? ha! Maybe someday Mason can play too!

We also had a meeting in Seattle for pregnancy after loss. I hate driving the hour north, but it is such a unique group to be in and important.



This week Brian has really been saying how nervous he is getting. I know it's everything combined. He really believes Mason is coming home with us, but at the same time I know he must have SOME doubts. He keeps saying how he is nervous about what it will be like to go through the birth process with a live baby and that he is more nervous now than he ever was with Addison. Obnoxious kids make him uneasy and he isn't sure how he will deal with our own. I am not worried about any of this, for him or for myself. I really think he is more nervous about something bad happening and trying to cover it up with other issues. I have total confidence in him, but it is different to see him uncertain. We all process in our own ways.

I feel better today, a little lighter (emotionally), which is crazy since it's the 5th, but I am thankful for the break. I will do an Addison blog soon. I have so little time to get to the computer and it drives Brian nuts when he comes home and I am wrapped up in blogs. I still can't believe we are at 36 weeks. One week away from full term...two weeks away from hopefully getting to induce...2 weeks we could meet this little boy...or sooner since I still have contractions daily. It doesn't feel real...when will it feel real?!?!

Sunday, April 1, 2012

35 Weeks

**Sorry to be so late with this post, it should have been posted 3/29/12, just been too busy!

How Far Along: 35 weeks (our baby is as big as a Honeydew).
Maternity Clothes: I got a whole bag of maternity clothes from my friend Jami, even better than torturing myself shopping! Thanks Jami!
Movement: Lots of movement this week. Every once in a while I get something big enough that takes my breath away or makes me let out a noise.
Gender: A brother for Addison, Mason Alexander.
Symptoms: Runny nose always. Braxton hicks contractions daily.
Cravings: Can't think of anything specific.
Belly Button In or Out: Still in, getting more flat!
Best Moment this week: We had our last childbirth class on Tuesday (which was a TOTAL bust), BUT this class we toured Labor and Delivery. As we came around the corner to the postpartum wing, Brian heard our instructor say hello to our favorite nurse who was with us through everything with Addison. I didn't hear it, but when he told me he said my eyes lit up. The second nurse D and I saw each other we couldn't get to each other fast enough. It was the best hug ever!I thought I would start crying, but my face just turned 8 shades of red. Our instructor moved the rest of the class on...they were probably wondering wtf was going on, but I didn't care. It was SO good to see her. Brian and I stayed back with D and just talked and hugged and she rubbed my Mason belly. She wanted us to know that she prays for us every day and can't wait to be our nurse again. She makes me feel so safe and cared for, I can't even describe it. Mason even kicked for her so he knows how important she is too.
Freak-out of the week: Total freak out last Friday with all the contractions and then Saturday AM when I didn't feel Mason moving. All talked about in a previous post.
What I miss: This week I missed having some "off" time, we had NO time for just the two of us and while this go-go-go has kept us distracted it also means we are exhausted and missing our time together.
What I am looking forward to: Getting the house put back together. It's a disaster after trying to reorganize and it's making me nuts to have everything so out of place.
Next Appointment: I have an NST on Tuesday, April 3rd and then Friday, April 6th I have half a days worth of appointments including an NST, a growth ultrasound and a doctor appointment.
Something Else: We are two camera classes down with two to go, so far I HATE them. They couldn't be anymore boring and I am learning nothing! Brian is taking something away from them, which means I will keep going. The main problem is they last 2 hours plus and that is about an hour more than my attention span will go! Plus they only have the most uncomfortable metal folding chairs...metal chairs+pregnant chick=miserable!

Friday was my crazy night of Braxton hicks and then Saturday I got my hair cut all talked about in previous posts.

The rest of the weekend was spent with my mom and Brian. My mom and I shopped for Mason and got his room put together since Brian finished painting it (pictures to come later). We also got part of the guest room cleared out to turn that room into a play room. We need more storage in our house because there is no where to put anything. There is stuff everywhere! Can't wait to get it all organized. There will be some serious trips to the Goodwill as I am in the mood just to get rid of stuff!

That scary day of contractions really helped get me into the nesting phase. Now I just want it all done. Mason's clothes are washed and put away and his room looks like it belongs to him. I still miss the pink, but I am happy with the way everything turned out for him.

Our last childbirth class took us through the Labor and Delivery and guess which room we toured...YEP! You guessed it, THE room. Our instructor probably asked us 3 times if that would be okay and people were probably wondering why. Brian said his heart started pounding the second we entered L&D. When we got to the triage area where I had that awful NST we stayed way back as I wanted nothing to do with it. As we got to the delivery room, Brian and I stayed in the back again so we barely entered the room. We stayed in the doorway. Neither of us cried, but we were staying way far back. The longer we were in there the more I thought about how the last time we were in there, Addi was with us. Such a bittersweet thought. As we walked the halls I carefully checked each door to be sure there were no leaves hanging on the door....the sign of a mother delivering a dead baby...I was so relieved not to see any.

Just before my NST

Brian and I have 3 other couple friends who either recently had a baby or are due. The last of them found out the sex of their baby and ALL couples are having boys. I sure have some wonderful friends to not have any girls ;) Seriously though, it makes things so much easier not to have to friends having girls right now. Plus it mean Mason will have 3 little boys close to his age to hang with, which I really love. Good thing since we didn't meet anyone cool in childbirth class!

One of the support groups we attend was this week. Brian had to work late, but I decided to go alone as next month we will (hopefully) have  baby and not be able to go. This was actually a meeting I could have missed. I usually leave feeling better, but this one I left feeling depleted. There was husband bashing, interrupting and yuck. I stayed pretty quiet because it was just so much to take in. I was really glad there were no "fresh" couples. If that had been my first meeting, I never would have gone back!

I have been reading all the blog posts, but on my phone it's hard to comment especially for those of you that still have that awful word verification. I am hoping this week will calm down a little. I am SO happy to be in April. This is going to be a crazy time, but knowing how close we are to meeting Mason is mind blowing.