So I have this wonderful friend who wants to throw me a baby shower, the same wonderful friend who threw my first one for Addison (I actually had two, but she threw the first one). And I want her to, but I don't. I am so conflicted over the dang thing!
The main reasons I DON'T want to have one:
-Um hello this one is obvious...general worry/upset over this baby not coming home either and plus it doesn't seem like something I will feel as happy for as I did last time and I just don't really know how I will react to all of it.
-It's a lot of attention directed towards me and Mason and there is no escaping that. I barley do okay talking about this pregnancy one on one, but in a group seems really scary.
-I'll probably cry (you aren't supposed to cry sad tears at a freakin' baby shower).
-Most people don't think you should have a second shower, so how do I even know who to invite? I don't want to offend someone by not inviting them, but I also don't want to leave someone out (although non Addison supporters WILL be left out, I stand by the "love both of my children or non of them" statement.
Reasons I DO want to have one:
-I want to do any and everything that could help me get excited and help make this feel real.
-Specific friends and family have requested we do this, they need this too.
-I cherish every item we were given for Addison so even if Mason didn't come home, these things would still be so precious to me.
-Mason deserves his own stuff (he can't live in pink after all), his own party just for him and the memories/pictures I can someday (please oh please) share with him.
Well those are the main issues. In the end I just think it feels right to have one so I am doing it. The problem is that we have picked a date and it's next month! This means I need to get a list to my friend of the people I want her to invite. I also need to finish registering (which was kind of a disaster at our first attempt) and it means that he is coming sooner rather than later and I have to acknowledge that. The problem it that I am just not ready (ready for him to be here, just not ready to deal with everything). I will have to force myself and get ready, which could be good and could be bad, but either way it is happening...all of it, the baby shower, the baby etc.!
It would make things a lot easier if there were just some sign up sheet that people could sign if they wanted to come. This list is seriously stressing me out!