Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Baby Shower stress

So I have this wonderful friend who wants to throw me a baby shower, the same wonderful friend who threw my first one for Addison (I actually had two, but she threw the first one). And I want her to, but I don't. I am so conflicted over the dang thing!
The main reasons I DON'T want to have one:
-Um hello this one is obvious...general worry/upset over this baby not coming home either and plus it doesn't seem like something I will feel as happy for as I did last time and I just don't really know how I will react to all of it.
-It's a lot of attention directed towards me and Mason and there is no escaping that. I barley do okay talking about this pregnancy one on one, but in a group seems really scary.
-I'll probably cry (you aren't supposed to cry sad tears at a freakin' baby shower).
-Most people don't think you should have a second shower, so how do I even know who to invite? I don't want to offend someone by not inviting them, but I also don't want to leave someone out (although non Addison supporters WILL be left out, I stand by the "love both of my children or non of them" statement.

Reasons I DO want to have one:
-I want to do any and everything that could help me get excited and help make this feel real.
-Specific friends and family have requested we do this, they need this too.
-I cherish every item we were given for Addison so even if Mason didn't come home, these things would still be so precious to me.
-Mason deserves his own stuff (he can't live in pink after all), his own party just for him and the memories/pictures I can someday (please oh please) share with him.

Well those are the main issues. In the end I just think it feels right to have one so I am doing it. The problem is that we have picked a date and it's next month! This means I need to get a list to my friend of the people I want her to invite. I also need to finish registering (which was kind of a disaster at our first attempt) and it means that he is coming sooner rather than later and I have to acknowledge that. The problem it that I am just not ready (ready for him to be here, just not ready to deal with everything). I will have to force myself and get ready, which could be good and could be bad, but either way it is happening...all of it, the baby shower, the baby etc.!

It would make things a lot easier if there were just some sign up sheet that people could sign if they wanted to come. This list is seriously stressing me out!


  1. I think this is great!!!! I had a shower for Hayes the night he died, and I was so glad that we were able to celebrate him while he was alive!!!! My friends wanted to do one for this baby, and I don't need gifts bc we have everything so I was going to agree to a little party but then I got put on bed rest. So we are doing a sip n see once he is here (which makes me nervous bc who knows if he will make it). I will invite our supporters and those are the ppl who want to come celebrate with us (for the third time) anyway. This will get u excited and I think it will be great for u! It is fine to do a second shower especially for a different gender. :)

  2. Hmm. This is a dilemma. I didn't even make it to mine - it was for October and I lost the babies in August - so I didn't know the details and had just begun thinking about guests, but I'm turned off by the idea of a baby shower next time, too. Too jinxy for me.

    I really liked the idea of the Sip 'n' See that Finding My New Normal blogged about. On the one hand, I can see wanting to share the pregnancy (and pregnant belly) with friends and family, especially since NONE OF THEM saw me pregnant with the twins, and on the other hand, OMFG. How cool would it be to instead have everyone (invited, of course) to dote on the BABY after he's born, thereby sharing the attention instead of having it 100% focused on you and your belly and your excitement (or lack thereof)? Dunno...but I'm going to seriously consider it for my next pregnancy. (I figure I can handle small groups of family and close friends separately while pregnant, anyway, without the whole shower festivities/games/decorations thing bit.)

    See you tomorrow!!

  3. You are so brave! I would say err on the side of inviting more, and people can decline the invite if they want to (but definitely leave out those who deserve to be left out...I totally agree with "love both or none")

  4. I did not have a shower for Finn even though a few people wanted to through one because of the same reasons and because we had everything we needed. Had he been a girl, I maybe would have entertained the idea, but still would have been apprehensive like you. BUT I think your reasons for wanting a shower are GOOD and just why you should. Would losing him be any easier had you not had a shower? Heck no. In fact, you will want those memories and those things to cling to just as you had with Addison. I think it's a good move and while it will be emotional (and that's OK!) you won't regret doing it.

  5. As I believe I shared with you, I didn't have a shower for Addalee. I couldn't muster the courage, but I kind of regret it. Not for the gifts, although that's what an actual shower is, I guess. I did have a small group of my friends over a week or so before she was born and we celebrated. They brought gifts, but it was mostly time to talk about Addie and Caroline and share our thoughts and feelings. I do wish that Addalee had had a big to-do like her big sister did.

    BUT we did do the Sip & See. It was awesome to have Addalee there and share with everyone. (I did still sad cry though...but that turned out to be okay too)

    If Addalee had been a boy though, I would have likely opted for a shower. I think you're doing a great thing...don't stress over the list. I agree, invite a bunch and let them decide to come or not - Addi supporters only! :) I'm sure that those close to you will be sure to include her. Be sure to talk about her as much as you want's your (and Mason's) day!


  6. Well you already know my feelings on baby showers after a loss, but I say you should do what makes you happy. Who cares what other people think?