Thursday, January 19, 2012

25 Weeks

*This post got a little lot lengthy for a weekly update, so if you read nothing else, scroll to the bottom to find out this little boy's name.

How Far Along: 25 weeks (our baby is as big as a Rutabaga).
Maternity Clothes: Yes
Movement: Tuesday his movements started to get bigger and more frequent. I was actually worried when he seemed active for a 3 hour span...I kept asking Brian why he was moving so much...shouldn't he be getting tired....what if somethings wrong and his cord is wrapped and he is trying to get help...then Wednesday he seemed just as active...maybe he is just a wild crazy boy.
Sleep: is interrupted by 1-2 bathroom breaks each night mostly just one though. Woke up at 4:30am yesterday...this happened a lot towards the end with Addison, hopefully this trend hasn't already started! I am starting to have a harder time getting comfortable even with the pregnancy pillow. After this early wake up call I was in bed asleep by 8pm.
Gender: A brother for Addison.
Symptoms: Still have the runny nose, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Occasionally some blood, but not a full on nose bleed. I noticed I have some leakage starting after a shower...hopefully this means I will be able to breastfeed! I can't remember when this started last time, but I am pretty sure it wasn't this soon. I have been having headaches the last couple nights...not sure if it's related. Also not sure if this is related, but my teeth/mouth haven't been feeling so "fresh" I've been brushing extra and flossing, but they still don't feel clean like they normally do (I spend 5+ minutes brushing at any given session so it's not like I am not thorough). I don't know what the deal is, but I am not a fan of it.
Cravings: I don't think there was any one thing calling my name this week.
Belly Button In or Out: in
Best Moment this week: Bigger movements and the snow! We don't get a lot of snow around here, but yesterday there were 11 inches in my front yard, which means I am snowed in and can't out! I know this is nothing compared to other states, but since we rarely get more than 2-3 inches and it usually is gone in less than a week, people around here don't know how to drive in it and the city really doesn't prepare/deal with it well. So I couldn't go to work Wednesday! It's actually the first snow I haven't braved, but I am not taking the chance of some dummy hitting me and causing early labor or damage to my car, it's not worth it. I don't know if I will make it in today. Going to give it a shot around noon depending on the roads. It won't take much to make me turn around and stay home!
Freak-out of the week: Last Thursday's melt down was enough to carry me through this week. Thankfully nothing new to add.
What I miss: Still missing the joy (as detailed in my last post).
What I am looking forward to: hmmm I feel like there is nothing in the near future to look forward to...that's sad :(
Next Appointment: Friday, January 20th (if we can get there)!
Something Else: I ran into an old teacher at the grocery store in the check out line. I said hello and said she probably didn't remember me (she was the music teacher at my not very small elementary school). She knew my name right away, asked about my sister and brother...crazy good memory! I thought my belly was hidden, but she asked when my baby was due. I felt my face get hot and it turned red on the spot. I was bracing myself for the "is this your first" question. It's not as hard with strangers, but someone I know...in front of the grocery checker. I was panicking. I told her the due date, she asked boy or girl, I said boy...she seemed less than enthusiastic about a boy...people were always giddy when I said girl with Addison (maybe it's just in my head, but I swear people are happier when you say girl). I was sure she was wondering why my face was so red. When I called my sister after she said that I should have played it off like I wasn't pregnant...that could have explained a red face haha. The teacher never asked if this was my first and while I was grateful not to have to say it right there in that moment, I left feeling so sad that I wasn't able to share Addison too. I didn't deny her, she just never came up...just like that. Ugh.



In my efforts to embrace the joy I have done the following:

-I think we have picked the final two colors for the nursery.

-I signed us up for childbirth classes (not because we need them, but because we met two wonderful couples last time and while I don't expect to meet anyone as great as them, we have to give it a shot.

-We started a registry. I was disappointed by the lack of cute boy things and Brian was hungry so it was a bad combo. It wasn't fun at all. I hope to do one at a different store and enjoy even a small part of it.

-Brian finally broke me on Sunday and we "outed" our news on Facebook. He did it first and every time he would type something, I would say no, not that, I hate that. He was getting so mad at me and finally came up with something I didn't love, but didn't hate. It took me over an hour after he posted before I could. I still wasn't ready, I still didn't want to, but now that he had I was afraid one of our mutual friends would post on my wall and I didn't want that. I had been thinking about what I wanted to say for months. I wanted Addison included and I wanted to give a list of all the stupid things people shouldn't say. I was making it so complicated and messy and after all this time I just wanted to be done with it. So not the same as I felt when I posted about our pregnancy with Addison. I was going to post the definition of a rainbow baby and then say something about how our rainbow is expected in May. Brian didn't like it. He also wasn't a big fan of making Addison part of the announcement. His thoughts were that this baby is his own person and he shouldn't live in Addison's shadow. That was really weighing on me and I felt guilty for wanting to put her name in there too. Finally I just simply put "For us, this is what hope looks like" and included his ultrasound picture. Plain, simple, done, POST! It was out there, this seemed like a good step....maybe even putting me one step closer to the joy...maybe not, but it was an attempt. I waited for .2 seconds and the comments were flying in. I have to say that after reading them all, only one needed to be deleted. It wasn't mean spirited, but it talked about how that person loved the "three" of us....it cut like a knife so I deleted it.  Posting it didn't make me feel better, but it didn't make me feel worse. I still don't like what I posted, I really regret not including Addison or how this is not a normal pregnancy, but it's done and I can't change it. Maybe it feels more "real"now, but I am still just as scared as ever, but whether this baby lives or dies, I would want everyone to know about him.

-The last thing is that we also made his name public. I wanted to post it here first because this is the group I care more about, but I get to talk about everything here and Brian gets to share nothing. So his post on FB outed his name to everyone first. We had a list of boy names the first time around and this name was on the list then. This time we had it on the top 3 just before Thanksgiving. We picked Mason. I like that it shares the "son" with Addison. Also we picked the name Alexander for a middle name after my brother. Mason Alexander "Mac". I always wanted a nick name so all my kid's names have to have one! Mac it is!

So there it is my list for this week, I will continue searching for the joy in whatever way I can. I also take weekly pictures of the belly, which we did with Addison, but missed a few weeks, so far we have not missed a week this time. I also have a little pregnancy calendar that I write on every night before bed, detailing the days events, something I can give to Mason when he is older.

11 comments:

  1. I love the name Mason. :)

    I outted myself on FB yesterday, I decided this baby needed to be celebrated too, so I did it. I am relieved we got a ton of positive responses, and no "yay, so excited you'll be a mother for the first time" posts.

    PS. I got a lot of that "oh, a boy" with a not-so-excited response when I announced it with Jack. People are funny, huh? And if it makes you feel any better, I find a lot of girl clothes unattractive and am drawn to cute baby boy things, so I suspect this is another thing us blms get to miss. bah

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  2. BTW, I know what you mean about your mouth. I feel the EXACT same way. It's gross. I have never flossed/brushed/mouth washed as much as I have this pregnancy. It just tastes yuck.

    Yay for sexy pregnancy symptoms. haa.

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  3. Mason and Mac are great names! good pick mama - and you're right, Mason goes well with Addison.

    I have a hard time when people ask me about my kids and Cale doesn't come up. I don't deny him or pretend like he didn't exist, but when he just doesn't come up in conversation or people just assume I only have one child it just kills me. It's so hard for us to figure out this balance. Just wish we didn't have to. . .

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  4. Several times recently, Hayes hasn't come up. I certainly won't deny him if it does and I usually tell people about him regardless, but sometimes I'm just not in the mood. I beat myself up later but it is what it is.

    You know I love the name! Glad you announced it. Would love to see pics of the nursery set and walls when u get them painted!

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  5. This snow is a bummer, but you know that if your truck isn't 4wd, doc would lend his truck...or chauffeur. lol I hope the weather calms down for it either way.

    I love both of Brian's and your posts on facebook. I saw yours first, though. You did a great thing; I'm proud of you for doing it. I can only imagine how hard it was. I also love Addi's brother's name. Addi and Mac. So cute! Praying for you guys every day, in all areas. I can't wait to meet Mason either! I'm very excited for you guys and you still owe me a promised belly feeling ;)

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  6. Yay! Great name :)

    Maybe someday I'll work up the guts to announce our pregnancy on Facebook. Probably not. I really like the way you posted the news, though.

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  7. What a wonderful name. I love it!! Good luck with all the snow!

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  8. Mason is such a great name:)

    Haven't said anything on facebook yet, maybe in another few weeks I will.

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  9. I LOVE his name ... Addison and Mason - perfect, they really lilt together.

    I hope you can find some joy - I remember describing it as "joy with my teeth gritted".

    I've been away from this bit of the internet for a wee while but I've being thinking about you and your growing family often.

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  10. I've always loved Mason for a boy name. Great nickname too. Hang in there and thinking about you.

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  11. Love his name :) We've always loved the name Mason so we decided on that name for our little guy pretty early in my pregnancy. I love that my little rainbow shares the same name as your little rainbow! And I love that his name matches Addison's name so well! I'm sure she loves it too!

    FB was hard for me. We actually didn't announce about Mason until he was born. I just couldn't handle a lot of people knowing. Nygel and I posted at the same time from the hospital that we had welcomed Aiden's little brother into the world. It was nice to get positive comments- it always helps when people don't say crazy things. I really like the way you did it- Mason and hope :)

    Although I've been horrible at posting/commenting lately I'm definitely thinking about you and your little guy and sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

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