After yesterday's blog post I did feel better that I had said my peace...even if it was just to you fine folk and not to the offender. There is something so freeing about this space and knowing that when I say something there are people who really understand where I am coming from and why things feel the way they do. Thank you for that.
While not completely letting it go I was able to go about my day knowing my feelings were shared and while this part of things can really suck, it unfortunately is part of it.
LJ commented that "if you aren't the one who suffered the loss, you aren't one to share the joy" you are very wise LJ! That is what it feels like to me and why I take it so personally. It's the people that understand what we really lost that can take part in our joy. The people who believe that it was sad we lost a baby and nothing more, can't understand that this isn't just a "fresh start" for us and that is so hurtful. Makes me wish they never got to hear of this pregnancy.
When Brian got home last night he had with him a hand written apology note from his co-worker...this actually made me mad. I think because I just wanted to be mad at her and write her off as someone I didn't have to deal with anymore, but this was a real heartfelt apology and it made ME feel like an ass after I read it. I swear there is nothing worse than to have someone make you feel bad just to be mad at them just to feel bad for being mad at them (did you follow that)?
I still don't believe she truly gets it, but I believe she understands as much as she can without being on the inside. Old me knows that it was an honest mistake, that she really was just excited for us, that she meant NO harm to any of us, but new me, well new me can't help, but take things personally and be hurt by all the things that she didn't think about.
My "Addison" button is the quickest way to send me over the edge. I have the least amount of patience for anything that diminishes her existence. I will always be a protective mama bear when it comes to her. I can't help, but be on guard 99% of the time when people bring her up (or when they don't bring her up). There is always that 1% where I am taken off guard and that's why I try so hard to always have my shield up.
So yes, some people suck and some people don't and then there are some people in the middle...they don't get it, but they sort of try aka well meaning morons and I suppose I could cut them a little slack...I said a little (it's not like I'm a Saint or something ;) )