Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Some people part II

After yesterday's blog post I did feel better that I had said my peace...even if it was just to you fine folk and not to the offender. There is something so freeing about this space and knowing that when I say something there are people who really understand where I am coming from and why things feel the way they do. Thank you for that.

While not completely letting it go I was able to go about my day knowing my feelings were shared and while this part of things can really suck, it unfortunately is part of it.

LJ commented that "if you aren't the one who suffered the loss, you aren't one to share the joy" you are very wise LJ! That is what it feels like to me and why I take it so personally. It's the people that understand what we really lost that can take part in our joy. The people who believe that it was sad we lost a baby and nothing more, can't understand that this isn't just a "fresh start" for us and that is so hurtful. Makes me wish they never got to hear of this pregnancy.

When Brian got home last night he had with him a hand written apology note from his co-worker...this actually made me mad. I think because I just wanted to be mad at her and write her off as someone I didn't have to deal with anymore, but this was a real heartfelt apology and it made ME feel like an ass after I read it. I swear there is nothing worse than to have someone make you feel bad just to be mad at them just to feel bad for being mad at them (did you follow that)?

I still don't believe she truly gets it, but I believe she understands as much as she can without being on the inside. Old me knows that it was an honest mistake, that she really was just excited for us, that she meant NO harm to any of us, but new me, well new me can't help, but take things personally and be hurt by all the things that she didn't think about.

My "Addison" button is the quickest way to send me over the edge. I have the least amount of patience for anything that diminishes her existence. I will always be a protective mama bear when it comes to her. I can't help, but be on guard 99% of the time when people bring her up (or when they don't bring her up). There is always that 1% where I am taken off guard and that's why I try so hard to always have my shield up.

So yes, some people suck and some people don't and then there are some people in the middle...they don't get it, but they sort of try aka well meaning morons and I suppose I could cut them a little slack...I said a little (it's not like I'm a Saint or something ;) )


  1. "Well meaning morons" - isn't that the truth? A college acquaintance/friend sent me a message last week that was along the lines of - "You still seem to be upset about Elizabeth dying. Have you thought about going to counseling?" I mean, where do you even *start* to explain the things wrong with that message? She did mean well, though.

    I think you had every right to be as mad as you did, and I'm glad the co-worker finally clued in and did her best to apologize. You have nothing to feel bad about, though, mama bear. Stand up for Addison.

  2. Gah, i read ur first post while waiting in line at the grocery then forgot to comment. I could not believe it!! The idea that the new baby makes others less sad for you... o.m.g. it totally made me realize ppl might feel that way about my baby. This WILL be addressed in a blog post of my own! Unreal! Glad she sent u a note but it shouldnt make u feel like an ass. She sounds like the ass.

  3. It's so understandable to be protective and feel angered by insensitive comments... and misplaced apologies, when they may not truly understand how hurtful they've been. I've been thinking of you a lot since yesterday... and so sorry that you've had to go through all this. Love to you always xoxo

  4. You're exactly right with the well meaning morons comment! I had someone say something similar to me like SG, where they asked "do you think you need to see someone, you just still seem so sad?" - I just wanted to say, "let's see how you feel a year after your son dies and if you are still sad about it". . .Gah, people!

  5. It is very frustrating that ppl don't understand the way we feel, but glad they don't cuz I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. No matter what ppl say or do they will always pull at our heart strings, everything is a reminder of our babies.
    Thinking of you & Addison. This weekend is the 4/5, I know these days hold great significance to us both.