Friday, November 25, 2011

17 Weeks 1 Day

How Far Along: 17 weeks 1 day (our baby is as big as a Turnip)
Maternity Clothes: My new maternity work pants arrived in the mail and that should keep me set for a while.
Movement: Still just little tiny stuff. Nothing that's on a schedule or big enough that it couldn't be confused with gas. :(
Sleep: is interrupted by 1-2 bathroom breaks each night. I had trouble sleeping because Brian was gone for 4 nights. I got the great advice to sleep on his side of the bed and that helped a little, but I was getting up around 4am and not able to got back to sleep.
Gender:  3 weeks away...that doesn't seem possible.
Symptoms: sore back, runny nose the usual.
Cravings: Turkey...lucky for me this was a good week to crave it!
Belly Button In or Out: in
Best Moment this week:  When Brian got home safely and Thanksgiving with the family.
Freak-out of the week: It bothers me that we have had no REAL assurance that this baby is alive since the 7th and we have another week to go ugh.
What I miss: I used to be a very self-sufficient, no trouble on my own kind of girl, but Brian leaving for a little trip had me feeling very lost. I love that we are so much closer, but I hate that I am a needy/clingy wife!
What I am looking forward to:  This next week is going to be tough. Maybe I am just looking forward to making it through.
Next Appointment: Not until December 2nd...I wasn't able to muster up the courage to make another appointment before then. One week...means I am going to worry more and more the closer it gets.
Something Else: Last week I didn't want to talk about Brian being gone...no need to advertise online that I would be home alone (even though my small army of dogs are a great security system). It was the first time we had been apart since losing Addison. Brian's older brother lives in CA and his SIL offered to fly him down as a surprise for his brother. Brian had time to take off work that he would lose if it wasn't taken by the end of the year and I am saving all my time (the little time I get) to be off with this baby (hopefully).

I have to say I was nervous for a couple reasons with Brian leaving. One was because I was afraid if he used all of his time he wouldn't have any left if something bad happens before the first of the year...this was my real concern...what if this baby dies and I need him off and all his time is gone. Pre-planning at its finest, NOT!

The few times Brian has gone away without me used to feel like a little time off for me too, no cooking, just do whatever I want, no big deal. This time I was fighting tears as we said goodbye and worrying that if something happened to him I would be even more screwed up than I already am.

He was good to text and call often and thankfully he made it home safe and sound. We both missed each other so much it's pathetic. I know 4 days is nothing and my complaining is annoying to spouses kept away for much longer than that. I wish I didn't worry so much and I wish I wasn't so needy, but that is just another "fun" side effect from baby loss.

17 weeks...where has the time gone, it's starting to sound like a lot and yet I am STILL in disbelief that this could really be happening. The time goes so slowly and yet I am amazed that we are already at 17 weeks. It doesn't seem possible, but more than that a living baby to bring home and keep still seems like something that is too far from reach.

2 comments:

  1. Arthur and I really haven't spent much time apart since we lost Caroline...and if we are apart for more than the work day, I start to feel a little shaky...maybe unsure. I used to be independent too, but something about having your world shaken leaves you different. You did great though! :)

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  2. I hate it when my hubby leaves as well, especially since I did lose Logan when he was away :( You are so close to 20 weeks and despite all the natural worry, that unfortunately never goes away, you are doing great. Hopefully this next week goes quickly for you!!!

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