Friday, November 18, 2011

16 Weeks 1 Day

How Far Along: 16 weeks 1 day (our baby is as big as a Avocado)
Maternity Clothes: Yep. I also ordered some more work/maternity pants. Still waiting for them to arrive.
Movement: Two days ago I felt something slightly bigger than I had already felt, but then I really haven't felt much....makes me nervous.
Sleep: is interrupted by 1-2 bathroom breaks each night. I haven't been sleeping well due to non-baby related stress...I had forgotten what "regular" stress was like.
Gender:  Getting nervous about it. Obviously a live baby is key, but I can't help, but worry about it. We decided even if we could find out before the 20 week scan that we don't want to know until then. We don't want to know until after Addison's birthday. It's bad enough we have to find out in December so I don't want to know until after her day.
Symptoms: sore back, runny nose the usual.
Cravings: Thai food (no spice) I am wimpy when it comes to any kind of spices!
Belly Button In or Out: in
Best Moment this week:  Last Friday I spent the day with my 8 year old "niece" she always puts me in a good mood. It had been a little while since we had last seen each other so she was extra clingy. Made me feel guilty that so much time had gone by without us seeing each other, but her wanting to sit on my lap or hold my hand all the time is never something I would say no too. Love her!
Freak-out of the week: I'm just worried in general. No doctor appointments so I have no idea how this baby is doing, but at the same time I am scared to make an appointment. It's all really scary and not fun at at all.
What I miss: The excitement I had the first time. I am at 16 weeks now and still hoping for some excitement to kick in, but I think I am still in denial I am even pregnant. I want to bond with this baby, but it hasn't happened yet, which makes me feel so guilty. I obviously love this baby, it's just so scary.
What I am looking forward to: I suppose maybe Thanksgiving, but then again I am not...maybe just some time off work.
Next Appointment: Not until December 2nd...I wasn't able to muster up the courage to make another appointment before then.
Something Else: I try not to talk about work, but things have been stressful there and that's all I will say. I almost forgot what it is like to have "normal everyday" type stress because I am so used to baby and baby related stress, but this kind while not in the same category can still be extremely shitty. I am thankful for the fact that today is Friday, but unfortunately I know Monday isn't far behind ugh.

I have several more things weighing on me. Addison's birthday, completing her headstone,worrying about this baby and then one more thing, which I will write about next week.

It's been such a crazy week. I am so behind on reading blogs, emails, I briefly checked FB this morning since I have been up since 4am (more on that later). I will try and catch up this weekend!


  1. It's hard not to worry and it's hard to get attached. The innocence of the last pregnancy is clearly gone.'s so dang unfair. Don't worry though- this little one knows your love and you will work through things in your own time. I hope the work stress dies down- thats never helpful on top of the stress you already have. Hoping December 2nd gets here soon for you!!!! Sending lots of love and prayers....xoxo

  2. Keep hanging in there you are doing wonderfully!! I noticed that once I found out what I was having and got past the 20 week scan I had an easier time starting to bond...hopefully that will happen with you if not sooner.

  3. PAL is a rough, tough journey. Abiding with you through it, mama.

  4. Sorry you're under so much stress, as if you don't already have enough. Hugs to you, honey...keep on truckin'.

  5. Bonding...yeah. It's so weird after a loss to go through pregnancy again. They say every pregnancy is different...boy, ain't that the truth?! I had a hard time bonding too. I also felt guilty. But I think that's just the nature of PAL. You're doing great though, so try not to feel guilty about it.

    Sending love and hugs, my sweet friend.

  6. Sounds like you're going through such a stressful time at the moment... thinking of you. I know what you mean about missing the excitement of the first time... our innocence is lost after such a heartbreaking loss. Love to you, Addison and your little one always xoxo

  7. I can't believe you are 16 weeks already! It goes by so fast when it's someone else experiencing it!! It sounds like you are doing great in spite of the various levels of stress you have.

  8. Thinking of you and proud of how strong you are!