We went back to the ultrasound room and the tech. was kind enough to let me empty my bladder, God bless her! She started the scan and before she said there WAS still a heartbeat we saw our baby moving! This time our little blob was more than a blob and actually resembled a baby! At one point the baby put it's hand up and she said it was waving at us. She even got a picture for us. We were so surprised at all the movement, it looked like baby jazzercise in there! Kind of amazing all that is happening and I can't feel it yet.
Something changed for me after this appointment. I still feel like I am keeping an arms length distance, but seeing a baby that looks like a baby was something.
The heart was beating at 179 glorious beats per minute and our once "behind" little one is now caught up and measuring 1 day ahead! This is WAY too soon to be able to tell the sex, but just for fun she told us that she can sometimes see something tiny indicating a penis...nothing tiny found, but I am not counting my chickens, but oh how I would love to give Addi a little sister.
I had researched what could be seen at this appointment and had a million questions for her. I know she can't answer everything, but there were certain things I wanted her to check. At this point everything is checking our just as it should.
The tech. was so great she seems invested in this pregnancy too and was obviously touched by our story...personally it feels wonderful to have so many people in our corner.
Here is a picture of our "more than a blob" baby!
|11 weeks 1 day "waving"|
So for yesterday I was breathing easy, but today I am back to being worried again. It is what it is. I am thankful for yesterday and the chance to see our LIVING baby.
October 15th national pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I normally post nothing on my Facebook regarding baby loss because generally I don't think people can handle it...or worse that they don't care and are over what happened. I decided I don't care either way...well I do, but if they don't like it and delete me then we are both better off.
I posted some facts and links and I think it is good. How else are people supposed to know what this is like if someone like me doesn't tell them. So I think next year I will do the same.
I didn't go to the candle lighting ceremony today because it was just far enough away that I didn't want to drive by myself (Brian works on Saturdays) I know I could have found multiple family members who would have gone with me, but sometimes I only want Brian or no one at all.
I will be lighting a candle from 7-8pm in my front window for Addison and all other babies gone too soon.