Monday, October 3, 2011

Addison's Mom

Saturday I was running errands and trying to be the wife who actually gets some things accomplished. I managed to clean the house (okay some of it) take Annie to the dog wash place (I did the washing it's just easier not to have to bend over my tub for an hour) and go to Costco.

After I gave Annie her bath and she was smelling all great I walked her over to the pet store next door. I decided to buy her a bone for being such a good girl and hoping it would keep her busy while I shopped at Costco.

Why is it the people who work in pet stores ALWAYS refer to you as your pet's mom? That drives me freakin' nuts. I hated it before Addison and now it really pisses me off. I used to shrug it off, but now I make a point to say I am not her mom, she's just a dog. Don't get me wrong, I love this damn dog, but lets be clear if I lost her it would be nothing compared to what I have been through. To those of you that like being referred to as your pet's parent, that's fine for you it's just not my thing. I just only want to be referred to as Addison's mom and no one else...well eventually this baby, but I can't quite wrap my head around that either.

Okay, so after my pet store experience I went to Costco. I went about my shopping and tried to ignore the sweet little dresses, tutu's, footy pajamas (I LOVE those) etc. I even managed to walk by the Christmas decorations without getting too angry. I made it to check out. The lines were SO long...reminding me why I NEVER go to Costco on a Saturday. I had lots of time to look around while I waited for my turn to check out and then I saw it...

Right next to me in the line to my left was a mom with her kids. Her back was to me and her sweatshirt read across the back in big bold black letters   ADDISON'S MOM   *insert gut punch here*. It just took my breath away. I couldn't stop staring and it really hit me. I wanted to tell her that should be my sweatshirt. I wanted to tell her I had an Addison too, I wanted my Addison to be with me, but none of that could happen.

I know we picked a popular name, but damn did I have to be right there at that time in that line and did she have to have THAT sweatshirt on? I mean come on universe?!?! I hate that I will never be referred to as Addison's mom. As mom's we lose our identity with our kid's friends and their parents often times only referred to as so in so's mom...how I wish that was my fate.

Other kids/parents will hopefully know me as someone else's mom, but it stings that it won't be as Addison's. I wish I could wear the sweatshirt that advertises my daughter's team, but the only shirt I own with Addison's name on it advertises a group that helps families with funeral expenses. Ugh.

Why is it that society is more okay with associating me as my pet's mom than to my dead baby...now that's messed up.

8 comments:

  1. :( it is brutal i know and it always happens when you least expect it!!!

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  2. I wish it was your sweatshirt too. I hate when I'm caught off guard.

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  3. I agree that society is messed up. That was one of the hardest parts of being pregnant, comments like "you are finally going to be a mom!" (Yeah, a relative said that, and she even came to the hospital and held Olivia.) And I hear you on the popular name.

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  4. Fantastic post, as always. Signed, Allie's Mom :)

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  5. I get *so* annoyed when people call me my dog's "Mom" too! We are his owners, not his parents. I've made sure to correct everyone in our lives on that one, but strangers still do it regularly. Do they think it's cute?

    And I hear you on the common name thing - my heart skips a beat whenever I hear someone calling Elizabeth's name.

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  6. We chose a popular name too and it was a lot harder than I realised to get used to meeting living Emmas - and their parents. We have so little of them, their name is theirs and so precious because of that. My heart skipped for you, when you described the sweatshirt - I'm so sorry.

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  7. I don't have animals, so I don't get called "mom" to anyone but close friends and family-- and all you BLMs.

    It sucks. It hurts.

    Also, I hate seeing 10 on your Addison ticker right now. Makes me all jumbled inside. What a large number.

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  8. Ouch...just ouch. That hurts me for you! I just keep thinking about seeing it and I have to say that I'm proud of you for not running out of the store. I'd leave my cart and run away if that happened to me!

    And like Angie said, people do say that "Now you're going to be a mom" thing. And that just really stinks. I, too, had family members say that, and I've heard others say the same to my husband. I cringe every time.

    You ARE a mother. You are Addison's mom. You carried her, you love her, you gave birth to her. She just didn't get to stay. That doesn't change the fact that you're her mother. I know that it hurts beyond words not to have mainstream society recognize that. But don't YOU stop holding on to that. I can promise you, that Addison is telling all the other babies up there about her Mommy (possibly even Caroline! Maybe they're buddies!!!)

    Sending love and prayers!

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