Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Missed Connections

Ever heard of missed connections? I heard a comedian making fun of it a few years ago. Probably something funny Brian found and shared with me. I couldn't find it to share and since I don't remember all of it it may have been inappropriate, but I remember thinking it was hilarious. Basically there are websites you can go on when you miss your opportunity to talk to someone in any random place. You know like when you get home and go "man I should have gone over and talked to that person". Without the Internet you may never run into that random stranger again, but now there are websites you can write about where you were and what the person looked like, if they check out the website too you could be connected! Super weird I know, but the concept fascinates me.

I mean what if you wrote on there and the person answered back?!? Total love connection or creeper decide. I won't lie I have looked on there because it will make you laugh. Have I ever posted or looked for someone possibly writing about me, that's a big NO, not my style! I get that the websites are mainly for romance type match ups, but it is also for any type of missed connection.

I feel like I have lots of missed connections. Missed baby type connections. Conversations that I don't chime in on because I don't want it to lead to further questions about my lack of living baby. Missed play dates, missed mommy friends at swim class or little gym etc.

A few days ago I decided I needed more therapy (retail) so I went to the mall. The second I walked into Macy's I saw one of the employees...back story needed...okay a few years ago when Brian and I were engaged we went to Macy's to register. One of the employees and I got to talking because she and her boyfriend just recently got engaged and about a year behind Brian and I. She was really nice and we had a fun conversation about planning weddings. Fast forward to the present. This same employee is still working there. The second I saw her I thought I bet she is pregnant. As I got closer I could see her big belly behind the counter...I kept walking and didn't make eye conversation that day...we no longer connect.

When I found nothing at Macy's I headed over to Famous Footwear. Shoes would make me feel better, right?!? Well as I am shopping (in one of the narrow aisles just enough space for two people to walk passed each other and not touch) a woman comes down my aisle, but we don't fit side by side in this aisle BECAUSE she is carrying a car seat and making herself as wide as possible so I am forced to side step her. I am already irritated...I mean seriously...who does she think she is making me move, while her baby lived and mine did not (please note sarcasm) when BAM I see the car seat. It's not just any car's MY car seat or rather Addison's.

This specific pattern is not available in stores (around here anyways) and it has to be ordered. I know because the second I saw it I HAD to have it and did tons of Internet searching. The mom looked about my age and her little girl (of course it's a little girl) looked just a few months younger that Addi should be...we totally would have struck up a conversation with our matching car seats and sweet little girls, but car seat looks like this:

Car seat sans baby

I actually had to pull it out of the closet to take a picture of a closet?!? That's not where a car seat belongs.  :( I had it professionally installed in my car about 2 months before Addi was born...I really miss it. Well really I just miss her.
Not doing much, but collecting dust :(
So there you go silly, but true. More things to miss out on without Addison here. Almost makes me want to post on Missed Connections...I said almost. How sad would that posts could read:

1. Saw you at Macy's, wanted to chat about pregnancy and tell you about my daughter, but I couldn't because my baby died.

2. Saw you at Famous Footwear, we have matching car seats, wanted to make a play date for our girls, but I can't because my baby died.

I can promise no one wants to read that!

There is so much to miss when a baby dies, from the big things to even the smallest random conversations with people who don't really matter, but yet it is another missed moment stolen away by death. I hate missing moments big, small and everything in between.

So my question is have you ever posted a "missed connection"? Ever gone on there and read something funny? And to my BLM friends, what is your baby missed connection (just pick one, I know there are a million every day)!


  1. I have a million, of course, but mine would probably be something to the likes of:

    We used to be friends who would talk about our bellies and babies growing up together. But now we can't because my baby died and you are living the life I want.

  2. Mine today would be:

    Oh you found out you're having a boy? And you already have two boys - That's great. I'd love lots of boys. But my first died.

  3. good post! I used to read through the missed connections on craigslist just for fun when I lived in New Orleans--they were always crazy!

    I can't think of any missed baby connections in specific but that idea really captures the ongoing aspect of loss, that we can't share in any of the normal things.

  4. :( Isn't it amazing how it affects every little tiny microscopic part of our lives. You will get to make those connections again with lots and lots of beautiful babies by your side!!!

  5. This is one the the best posts ever!! Mine would be...Congrats on your pregnancy. So happy to hear it's a girl! Glad you get to raise her. I did not get the chance as my baby died...

  6. OMG. And now I'm crying because that's Eliza's carseat too.

    I've never posted a missed connection, but I have read them on facebook. They're kind of romantic, but also sad. A reminder that you have to seize the moment before it's too late.

  7. Never wrote a missed connection before, but have read them before.

    I would say for me one would be:
    Our little boys should being growing up together, only 10 months a part in age and best friends. But they are not because my baby had to die.

  8. I didn't know there were custom-patterned carseats, that's pretty cool. :)