The more time that goes by the more I learn my limitations. Things are changing for me because things that used to not bother me are starting to. I posted THIS before about how I was thankful for Facebook and while I still am thankful for parts of it, I am starting to see the downfall of it. Two weeks ago I got hit with a triple whammy of baby announcements (on the same day within a few hours). It really surprised me how much it affected me. I felt like I had gotten a punch to the gut.
I was upset for the rest of the day and decided that night that I would take a break from FB. I didn't shut down my page and I still get messages sent to my email from it, but I stopped checking the news feed and you know what? I think it helped! There are some things I miss about it like my friends talking to me like I know what’s going on with them when I don't or Brian asking me about so and so and I am like what? It's funny how much FB keeps you in the loop!
I don't know how long this break will last, but I just hate to be blindsided. I really appreciate the friends that email or text to give me a heads up on baby news. I much prefer the email/texts over phone calls or in person announcements. Since I never know how I will feel at that time, it’s nice to be able to react however I want without an audience. We can talk about next time we see each other, but give me the initial news without watching me pleeeeaaaassseeee!!!
Can I just say how much I HATE that baby news can make me so sad?!?! Babies and puppies are supposed to be the universal smile makers! Now baby news makes my heart sink. Let’s just add this to the pile of things I hate associated with baby loss. Pre December baby news was my favorite news of all. I hate that excitement I used to have for my friends has changed. It is just another thing that was stolen from me. When I hear people are expecting, I think yes, you are EXPECTING to have a baby at the end...good luck with that.
It's hard to say congratulations when really I am just holding my breath and hoping that the expectant parents will never join this awful club.
Not all baby news makes me sad, but at least 80% of it does, that's so unfair. I want to be excited for my friends and even the stranger at the grocery store. I don't want to be the girl that looks away. I hope that excitement will come back, but it's hard to tell with all this worrying I do.
Okay let me switch gears. Something funny, well funny to me. We have a lot of dogs...too many (3). Our two "puppies" (they are 3 now) have been crate trained from the beginning. They sleep in their crates at night. Our old girl Annie (8) sleeps at the foot of our bed on her own bed. She has been sneaking up at 4am when we are too out of it to tell her to get off and then she stays there till we get up. I wind up not moving for fear of waking her and then I get no sleep (she wakes up, she is ready to go outside).
If we lock her out of our room she cries and whines. Lose/lose. I had this brilliant idea to let the "puppies" out of their crates and let Annie hang with them. It's been two nights of all the dogs sleeping together and no dog in our room! I don't want to get too excited, but this is looking promising!
Last night Brian kept saying how he was curious about what they do when we are not looking and then he got excited. He ran to Addison's room and took down her video baby monitor. He put it in the living room so we could spy on the dogs. It was really funny. Mostly they just laid down, but I did catch one of them sneaking a spot on the couch...so busted.
Brian was so excited about that baby monitor when we got it. I'm glad he finally had an excuse to use it (I will admit I was entertained too). I just wish it wasn't to watch our damn dogs.
|Even in the dark you can see pretty good, this picture doesn't do it justice!|