Playing the waiting game sucks...and it's never been something I have been good at. I know what I want and I want what I want. We waited the recommended time given from our doctor and now I am ready to be pregnant...um like yesterday actually.
I took a pregnancy test on Sunday that gave me a BFN (big fat negative). So now I sit and wait for the rest of the confirmation to stop by. I am already mapping out the calendar for what next month will look like. I suppose there is some hope that the test was wrong, but I'm not counting on it.
I know it's the question everyone wants to know so I try and start out all my conversations with "no, I am NOT pregnant". Just to get it out of the way, seems easiest. It's not a secret, everyone knows we are working on it and everyone is so invested in us having a live baby I feel obligated to be upfront and honest. Obligated in a good way. I only share all my info because it is right for me. I am well aware that is not the case for everyone.
When my friend Kim called yesterday I started out the conversation with "no, I am not pregnant". She laughed. She said she wasn't going to ask, but she was wondering. We joked about who gets to be the first to know and how we should tell people. Is there a list of people who get to be in the bathroom when I take the test? Will we video tape the testing and then post it on the blog? Gross. I can't help, but laugh at these crazy visuals we were joking about. Just to clarify, there will be none of that.
I really hate waiting, but when I break down the month into weeks it really doesn't seem that long until we can try try again. It is crazy to me that I have spent a combined 14 months out of my life trying to conceive a baby and only had one positive pregnancy test. It is truly amazing to me that so many women trying NOT to get pregnant get pregnant all the time. How does that work?
I'm trying not to wish my life away, but I just want to fast forward to the day that we have a live, screaming, crying baby. This in between time is for the dogs.