Monday, July 18, 2011
On an Island
It was the best neighborhood to grow up in and everyone really watches out for each other. Every summer they have a picnic for everyone to get together. My siblings and I always go because even though we don't all live there anymore these people are our friends and have watched us grow up. Last year it was announced that we were expecting a little girl and I wasn't sure how many people knew our story.
I was worried about who would ask/how they would ask/how I would word my answers, but I knew I just had to go and figure out my answers as needed. I had two people bring up Addison and that was it. I was a little disappointed that no one else said anything. I got a lot of "looks" and "sad" hugs, but that was it. It felt as if she was never really here.
The worst part of the picnic was that even though all of the island kids have grown up this year there are new families on the island and we are not one of them. There were lots of little ones and we should have been in that club, but we weren't. The parents stayed on the side watching their kids play together, talking and exchanging kid stories and we were with the non-kid people. I have never felt more kicked out of the club.
I wanted to talk to the three new moms and be a part of that group, but I knew any information I shared would just lead to questions and then I would have to tell them our sad news. One mom was pregnant, but I didn't ask her due date or any baby related questions. I should have been able to share pregnancy stories, but who wants to hear about one that ended in a dead baby. It makes me feel like because I didn't have a live baby, I don't get to share my experiences because in their eyes my pregnancy failed so it is null and void.
I just hate that we miss out on so much and just when I think the list of things we are missing out on can't get any longer I find something else to add. Even something as silly as chit chatting in the mom club.
I definitely felt like I was on an island.