Tuesday, July 5, 2011

7 Months

Seven seems like a lot...I mean honestly any amount of time away from your baby is too much , but the number seven seems big. Why is it that numbers have that effect on me? Anything less than 5 seems small(ish), 6 is a milestone and 7, well 7 feels like old hat. I remember in the beginning when I would find other baby loss blogs and I would read about people in the 7+ month stage of loss I thought that seemed like such a different place than where I was.

I will admit that the 7 month mark is far less sharp than it was in those first few months, but I am nowhere near "healed" or "over it". I honestly don't really know what to write about today. I am in a weird mood. I know people remember what today is, but for the first time I had no messages in my email or Facebook from people who remembered what we lost  7 months ago. I didn't expect it to last forever, but it's just an odd feeling. I also know that the day isn't over and there are a few I know will acknowledge the day...I think.

Such a weird place to be in this grief journey. It's all weird, but it's like I don't have a place to be anymore. I am not "newly bereaved" and I am not "used to it" either...where does that put me? Wherever it is, I am not a fan of any of it.

Seven months...what can I say that I haven't said before? I guess it's all the same because I just miss her, I miss all the stages we are missing out on, I miss the smiles, kisses, laughs...I miss it all. I miss you Addison and I love you more than words can say.

** I had to save this post and come back to it...just couldn't decide what I wanted to say. Now it's getting close to midnight and I just want to get something out for this 7 month mark. My best friend Sarah just left after bringing me an orchid and I did have a few messages in my email so that does make my day a bit better :) Also I didn't get to post the birthday gift Sarah gave me. It's a charm bracelet with baby booties and Addi's name and birth date engraved on them, she is so thoughtful! Such a good friend!

Seven months...today wasn't nearly as hard as the 6 month mark and I made it through the day with no tears at all. I know tears don't only come on anniversary days, but it is always interesting to me to see how I feel on these days. I suppose I am thankful today wasn't as hard as I expected it to be.

1 comment:

  1. I always wonder why I haven't seen your posts, then I remember I have to click over here (they don't show in the feeder, I guess?).

    I just wanted to say I love the bootie charms. So sweet w/the engraving. :)