A client came into work, conversation goes like this:
client- How's the whole baby life going?
me- Not so good
client- Oh that's too bad
me- (think quietly to myself...if you only knew)
client moves on to his own problems...whew!
Client No. 2
client-how's the baby?
me-actually we weren't able to bring her home from the hospital
client-OH, I'm so sorry (looks down stops all eye contact)
me-please don't feel bad, I appreciate you asking.
client-moves on to his own issue, never retains eye contact and books it out of the office AWKWARD!!
It's 6 months later and I am still having to tell people who knew I was pregnant and it isn't getting easier, it still sucks every time :( I hate seeing that horrified look on people's faces. I am the total barer of bad news and I didn't sign up for that. Just once I would love to not suck the air out of the room with my story. My first thought whenever someone asks me is "sorry sucker, I'm about to ruin your day"! Yuck!
Now I am feeling a rant coming on, so be warned!
Today I had a client call in who doesn't know and she is mad about this or that and she starts in on ME (she is mad and I happened to answer the phone so she is going to make me pay). She starts telling me about how I don't understand what it's like to go without and how would I like it if what happened to her happened to me and that she just has so much going on right now she doesn't need this extra stress (I would also like to note that the only reason she is a pickle is because SHE did not take the steps we told her to and caused all of the problems for herself, but of course she doesn't see things that way). I can feel my face turning red and my heart racing. I SO BADLY wanted to say "listen lady I guarantee if we put our problems in a pile you would be BEGGING for yours back"! It took everything I had not to tell her what a real problem was and that she should be thanking God for the "problem" in her life.
I hate some people!
Shortly after this conversation I get a text from my sister Alisa. It starts off really nice. One of her co-workers asked her to tell me she was thinking of me. I thought that was super nice and it really made me feel good.
The second text from Alisa goes like this (I will type it exactly as I got it) "It was until she went on to ask if you would try again, and that she hoped we understood that everything happens for a reason. My response was less than polite"
Next text from her says "I am actually writing her an apology right now because I think I went overboard a little. Whoops.
Ok, can I just say right now how much I LOVE my sister! I love that my family won't just let well meaning morons say crap like that. After reading her text I was cracking up and had to call her ASAP to hear what she said to her. I couldn't help, but laugh because I can just picture my sister going all crazy in that "oh no she didn't" finger snapping kind of way.
I told her that society wants to turn everything into a positive because it makes THEM feel better when in all reality there is NOTHING positive about a baby dying and it just hurts us to hear those things. Why can't people just say, wow what happened to you guys really sucks and I'm sorry...then leave it at that!
Then she sent me a message telling me that was a super wise statement and I should blog about it...I responded...I am blogging right now haha. Then she wanted to know if she would be mentioned in the blog and reminded me how to spell her name "A-U-N-T-I-E A-L-I-S-A. Seriously she cracks me up!
It's so true though. Society can't handle that a baby can just die without there being a real reason to wrap their heads around. I am here to tell you that Addison was PERFECT! I did everything right and Addi wasn't sick or hurting, her death saved her from NOTHING! Some like to say that maybe we were spared from something like cancer or an accident down the road, but then tell me why other parents having to go through those same things weren't spared? While God and I are good, I don't believe for one second I got "spared" from watching Addi suffer over another parent in that boat...total crap.