Monday, June 6, 2011


Wow, this last weekend was a doozy! I feel like the weekend was stolen from me, but I guess I am "thankful" that I was able to deal with my sad days on my own time. So many tears, so much hurt and sadness and today I can breathe again. That's how my grief-coaster works, I have a day or more of serious crying and then there are a few days of calm. It's not like the sad goes away, it just sort of settles a bit until the next storm comes.

I understand why it would be confusing for people to see me act like a version of my old self and then all the sudden see me be a complete basket case ugly cry and all, but that's how this works for me.

I don't stop my emotions on the really bad days, if I did that you would not like the aftermath. So when I need to cry I cry. Seems simple, but yet it's all so complex.

We have always talked about counseling as an option. Now that we want to start work on baby no. 2 Brian feels there is no time better. I called today to find out how much this little venture would cost and how much insurance would cover (I hate spending money especially on something like this).

Turns out that insurance will only cover it if it is medically necessary...great, but seriously what could mess you up more than your baby dying??? They said I either need to suffer from depression or anxiety to qualify. Well my situation is depressing, but I am not depressed, sad yes, depressed no. I feel anxious about a second pregnancy, but I do not suffer from there you go, I am just broken enough to think it would help, but not broken enough to have insurance help...awesome. Let’s add this to my pile shall we!

Honestly at $160 bucks a pop I think the best therapy I could have is of the "retail" variety...we'll see what Brian says.


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