Monday, June 13, 2011

Tears Rock & Walk 2011

What a day yesterday was! Such an amazingly, hard, emotional, wonderful day! As of right now Team Addison Eloise raised $2,385.41 and is in the top 5 teams for highest fundraisers! That is just so amazing to me. I was hoping to raise $1000.00 to help a minimum of two families and with our wonderful friends and family we were able to raise enough to help a minimum of 4+ just amazing.


I spent the last week thinking about how hard the walk would be (trying to prepare myself as best I could). I did the same thing for Addi's funeral service. It's almost like if I can "pre-stress" the actual day isn't as hard. Friday night was stressful; Brian and I went out to dinner to our favorite Mexican place. We each had a beer and toasted to the fact that this could be my last beer for a while (wishful thinking...maybe). After we came home we opened up the Patron bottle that Brian bought before he met me (so it’s 6+ years old)...yeah we are big drinkers ;) We took a couple shots, put on our jammies and curled up on the couch to watch a movie. After the movie I decided to check my email and the blogs I follow and go to bed early. I was asleep by 9:30pm! Yeah I know what you are thinking...what a CRAZY couple we are lol! My Saturday went a little something like this:

6 am - up and at 'em. Woke up with a stomach ache (totally normal for me, ever since I was little I would get bad stomach aches before tests, the first day of school or anything I was super nervous about), it sucks, but it's something I am used to.

spent some time complaining about my stomach ache to Brian, receive normal amounts of sympathy from him.

Brian grabs his phone to check our fundraising page, sees we are in the top 5! Spent a few moments celebrating! Makes me wish I still had Internet on my phone...sometimes being practical sucks!

6:30 - Shower, get ready just to see I have run out of deodorant....crap! Oh good I have a brand new one under the sink, whew!

7am - Debate on which camera to bring...little one would be easy to carry...we bought the big fancy one especially to take pics of Addi...this is for Addi...it will probably be a pain to carry around...but it's for Addi...ok big camera it is! (It’s a Nikon SLR D5000).

plug in battery for big camera, curse myself for not making this decision last night and hope I have enough of a charge for the day.

7:15 - brush my teeth, yell at Annie to get out of the shower (she loves licking the water in the tub...weird dog, but she is a lab). Sarah texts to ask what we want from Starbucks, laugh to myself that of course she would text as I was brushing my teeth (it's the hygienist in her). I tell her Brian's order and think how I would love a green tea, but you aren't supposed to drink it when you are trying to get pregnant so I forgo the drink...laugh to myself that I said yes to patron, but no to green tea...good thing I'm not ovulating yet.

7:30 - try to remember what I am forgetting...nerves getting to us...I hear Annie getting back into the shower...yell at her again...weird dog. Throw my bag together, Brian takes care of the dogs and we run out the door.

7:45 - leave the house to meet our group.

8:15 - we all leave my parent's house and head to the walk.

We got to Cheney Stadium just before 9. Got in line and waited to get in. Once we were in we all got our shirts and I was so pleased to see Addi's name on them. I get to see her name so few places, it was wonderful to be wearing it...well wonderful and awful...you know.

Once our whole team was together we took pictures and wondered around the stadium. Once we made our way to our seats we were amazed to see all the butterflies around the track. To know that each butterfly represents a lost baby...it's a lot to take in. Each baby's name scrolled across the jumbo-tron. We were allowed to submit 2 photos for it. Brian was disappointed that I didn't submit a "real" picture of Addi..., but after he saw everyone taking pictures of the screen he decided it was good we didn't...I just can't be ok with knowing other people have Addi's picture even if they are "in the club". They are for us and they are sacred.

There were a few speakers, but the one that really got to me was the mother that lost 2 children over 50 years ago...yes 50! Tears helped her to get headstones for her babies. It gave me chills to hear she had to wait 50 years for their stones...yes, I am still working on Addi's...that’s for another post though!

When the walk started they had the siblings run the bases. It was such a sweet moment. There was one little girl, maybe 3 running the bases, she was SO cute. I couldn't help, but think that maybe it could be Addi's little sister in a few years...if only. Then we did a family lap and then a group lap. It was just such a great feeling to be there all together all for Addison. There is so little that we GET to do for her and this just felt so right.

I didn't cry at all during the first part of the walk. I think is was partly because I had spent so much time pre-stressing and also because it makes me sad when Addison isn't in our daily life and this day was all about her and all the other babies we all love so much.

We took a lot of time taking pictures of Addi's name and also pictures of the names of babies we know and love.

I wasn't feeling very social...I was so in my own bubble. I wish I could have talked with more moms, but there is always next year. The last part of the walk was a balloon release. They were out of pink balloons by the time we got to the front of the line so we waited for a new batch...Addi needed a pink one ;) We wrote a little note and tied it to the string. Once we let the balloon go is when I got emotional. It was so symbolic, but I didn't prepare myself for it. It was beautiful and sad, but it was a moment for Brian and I to hold each other close and let our little girl go (typing that puts a lump in my throat). Ugh, but it was beautiful. Sorry to my bird loving, greener friends, but it was a special moment for us. So don’t preach to me how bad balloon releases are.

When everything was said and done we decided to head up to Seattle to enjoy each other. Our family and friends went on their own way and we felt like we were still up for something more than just going home (we hadn't really made plans because we had no idea how we would feel).

Seattle was nice. We spent some time at Pike Place market, had some yummy food and took in all the sights. We came home tired, but happy.

I am already looking forward to next year's walk. I can only hope that next year's walk will include Addi's sibling(s) either in my arms or in my belly...such a big hope. I am just so thankful to everyone who came with us, who donated and for all the support we were given for the walk and the support we continue to receive each day. I feel very humbled and appreciative.

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