Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Really...June?!?

I woke up this morning and the first thing I said to Brian was "oh no, it's June"! I mean really how did June get here already?!?

June is the start of summer and 5 birthdays in my family (one of those birthdays is mine and another is Brian's). We also have Father's Day, a wedding shower, baby shower, graduation parties galore and the Tears walk for Addison.

This month is jam packed full and there is something else June marks...we are coming up on 6 months on Sunday. Six entire months away from our baby and one more thing. At our 6 week checkup our doctor asked us to wait 6 months before we "try" to have a second baby. This whole time "June" has been the month we keep saying is when we can try and start this process all over again and its here!

It is scary and exciting all at the same time, but mostly scary. I was hesitant as to if I would write about this part of our journey. I will spare the nitty gritty details, but I think it is important that I don't feel like there are things I can't write about, so here we go. I expect to see some negative pregnancy tests as it took a year to get pregnant with Addison (so don't hold your breath). I am armed with ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, charts and a thermometer. It's going to be a bumpy ride so hold on tight!

I laid out the plan for Brian last night almost like a football play book (ha! Like I know a thing about football) he looked less than amused. Sounds romantic, no?!? I believe there was some eye rolling and "yes dears". I do love that man for putting up with me. There is so little that I have control over so I have to have control over the things that are controllable. It will help...I think!

People who know about "June" keep asking if I feel ready. I feel like I am as ready as I will ever be. Am I healed? Oh hell no, but I believe I am as ready today as I could be in 6 more months, a year or even 5 years down the road. This will be scary and not without tears or anxiety, but I know I won't be alone and if we don't try we will never get any closer to having a live, crying, screaming, pooping, sleep depriving bundle of joy (some may think of those words as the negative part of having a baby, but even those words are heaven to me all the "fun" parts will just be gravy).

We were actually ready in May (well Brian's been ready for a while, I was ready in May). We still didn't "try", but we weren't exactly careful. I was really hoping to get pregnant last month just because the stress wasn't there and it would just be a wonderful surprise. I still don’t know 100%, but judging by the way I feel today, it seems pretty clear that the sure fire negative sign is on its way shortly. Plus that’s just not how things work out for us, everything seems to take the long road.

When it comes to friends pregnancies (who are due around winter time) my feelings are still hit or miss. One I am thrilled for, one I still hate who is due on Addi’s due date and one I am happy for who doesn’t know I know hehe. One thing I am NOT looking forward to is that this month I will probably see more pregnancy announcements on Facebook for people who have hit their 12 week mark and will be due (you guessed it) around Addi’s time. I pretty much hold my breath every time I login into Facebook; it’s a love/hate relationship!

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