Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day or something like it

So, I think we are all pretty aware what yesterday was...Mother's Day. I never really thought of Mother's Day as anything, but a day to honor my mom and grandmas. Now I have a whole new view on this very sad day. Yes, I still have a wonderful mother, 2 grandmas and even a mother-in-law, but what about the people that don't, what an awful "holiday" for them.

Whether you are a mother without your child or a child (at any age) without your mother, this day reminds us how we are without the ones we love (like we need any further reminding)!

Saturday I went to the Tears event to honor mothers of lost babies. I wish Brian could have gone, but he had to work. My sister Alisa went with me instead. I was really feeling like I wanted to go on my own, but last minute decided I needed a buddy. Sisters are good for that sort of thing :) It was nice, but very sad to be in a room full of mothers missing their babies. I left feeling drained, but also glad I went.

Yesterday was the day I had been dreading. I knew it would suck and I just wanted to make it through. My family was coming over at noon for brunch so I got up early to do some last minute cleaning and start cooking. Brian was a lot of help and my sister came over early to co-host the brunch. We got everyone fed and Alisa kept telling me I could go and sit down. I just couldn't I had to keep busy, but I appreciated all that she did.

My grandparents hadn't seen Addi's room so they all took turns going in there, a few got emotional. It's sad, but also nice for me to see how we ALL miss her. After that I was pretty much ready for everyone to leave. I think they felt it because they all got ready shortly thereafter. Brian was going to Lowes and I was ready for some alone time.

After I was alone, I went into our bedroom to read my Mother's Day cards (I didn't want to read them in front of everyone). I cried as I read them and then took a much needed nap. When Brian got home I wasn't ready to get up so I stayed in bed while he did yard work. It was a mix of watching mindless television (Real Housewives anything...it's total crap TV, but I love it) and reading my book about pregnancy after loss (research really).

I finally left the bedroom at dinner time...Brian cooked aka ordered Chinese. I had avoided the Internet all day, but did receive all the wonderful Mother's Day wishes through my phone. I have to say it really did make me feel a bit better each time I received one so thank you to everyone who thought of me and knew what a hard day it would be.

It's funny (well not really funny, but you know) to think back on last year and know that was the only Mother's Day I had WITH Addison. I remember thinking I didn't need to REALLY celebrate because we would have many years together. Now I wish I would have enjoyed that day a little more even though I was still so nauseous.

I have to wonder if I will ever fully enjoy any future Mother's Days. Sure it is possible I will be pregnant by next year...or even to have baby no. 2 in my arms (that's hard to believe), but even if I am that lucky to have a second child we will still be missing our little Addison.

I hope yesterday was a nice day for all my mommy friends and of course my mom, Lynn and grandmas. I especially hope that the moms without their kids and the kids without their moms were able to get through the day a little better than I did. Here's hoping to a better Mother's Day next year.

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