Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Facebook & Blogger

I feel odd saying this, but I am thankful for Facebook.

When we found out we were expecting we waited until we heard the heartbeat and then posted it all over our Facebooks. We posted pictures and I updated my status constantly because...why not?!? We were so happy and wanted to share our happiness or rather our blissful ignorance.

I remember one of my first thoughts in the hospital was oh no...what are we going to tell everyone...how are we going to? We knew the option of saying nothing wasn't going to work because everyone would ask. We would have to post something. I was cursing myself for sharing our pregnancy online. My bff Sarah (yes, I said bff or maybe bfsk=best friend since kindergarten) had the insight to tell us we could shut down our Facebook pages so that way we could have some time to think without having to worry about someone posting something to let the world know before we were ready. We gave her our passwords and she took care of the rest. God bless her! That was at least one less thing for us to worry about and with everything else going on it was so appreciated.

3 days later most of the important phone calls had been made and we knew the sooner people knew the better. We were already getting emails asking what happened to our Facebooks and asking if the baby had been born yet (remember we were already passed our due date so people were watching).

My main concern was I didn't want to post details for anyone to just stumble on as they were reading their daily posts. I wanted to post something so that people would know (as gently as possible) that Addison died and if they wanted to know more they could read about it, but it wouldn't be on Facebook. I remembered that a friend had done a blog for her friends and family to read about their journey in starting a family and thought a blog would be the perfect way to share our story. We could post the link to our Facebooks and people who wanted to know could read it and the ones that didn't want to didn't have to click on the link.

I wrote our story out on the computer on our last night in the hospital when I couldn't sleep. Brian figured out how to post it and then we opened our Facebooks up again. For us it was the best way to share our story. Even after coming home when people wanted to know we could give them the blog address. We love talking about Addison and sharing our story, but we hate having to tell people who don't know anything about it. This brought us a level of comfort and gave our friends and family a way to try and understand us and what we had been through.

I soon realized that sharing Addison's story online had changed my life. Baby loss is very taboo and people are afraid to talk about it. Our blog was making people feel more comfortable to talk about her with us instead of behind our backs.

I wanted to continue writing, but I was afraid of having all my personal thoughts out there for anyone to read (my name is quite easily googled so I didn't want any old high school acquaintance knowing all my business). Again I thought of my friend’s blog. She had made hers private by invite only and that seemed like something I could do. So I did. After that I was overwhelmed with positive comments about my blog and how it was helping my friends to know I was ok and that it was helping them to understand what this is like.

Something even more unexpected happened. I found other blogs just like mine and now have this whole online support system with moms who "get it". I admire them so to be able to have public blogs. I wish I could have made mine public, but it just freaks me out too much. I try to invite the moms I follow to follow mine because it really does help to hear their feedback. Each comment or email I get after a post is so appreciated whether you are a blm friend or a regular friend. It's so very encouraging and inspires me to keep writing.

Back to Facebook, I have had several old friends contact me since they heard about Addison and were able to find me through Facebook. Just another reason I am thankful for it. Don't get me wrong, Facebook can be painful too. It's hard to see baby pictures and hear updates on peoples kids when I should be posting the same about Addison, but the friends I have on Facebook are the ones I care about...I deleted the other people :)

So thank you Facebook for forcing me to share my story with my friends, I may have become a hermit without you. Thank you S for starting your blog and sharing it with me. Without you I may never have known about it and blogging has been one of the single most helpful ways for me to try and heal. Last, but not least thanks to all my baby loss mom friends who read my blog and allow me to read your blogs. I start each day by reading new posts, you provide me with daily therapy that is priceless!

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