Monday, February 14, 2011

My Valentine

Our first photo together in 2006
Dear Brian,
I decided for Valentine’s Day I would write you a love letter on my blog so the world (or at least my blog followers) would know how wonderful you are. Before I met you I had already resigned myself to the fact that I would never have movie love. I was ok with that. I don't know anyone that is still head over heels in love with their spouse after years of marriage. I do know lots of couples that make a good team and I decided that I wanted someone I could be a good team with.

It was not love at first sight for either of, but for some reason we both kept trying. I thought, this is someone I could be a good team with. We had so many of the same goals for the future and that worked for me. When we got married it was truly one of the happiest days of my life. I was a little nervous, but the moment we saw each other for the first time all those nervous feelings went away. I thought wow, he really loves me and I really love him.

I feel like our life together just comes naturally and you let me be who I am. When we found out we were pregnant your excitement over the pregnancy made me love you more than ever before. I knew without a doubt that you were going to love this baby completely and be the best father.

On that day that our lives changed forever, you were the one I wanted by my side and you were there. I don't know how I expected you to react, but you were everything I needed and more. There wasn't a second that you weren't right next to me. When it came time to call your family you wouldn't even leave the room to do it. I can't tell you how much you put me at ease that day.

When you first arrived at the hospital and heard the bad news you just held me and that's what I needed. Even when I blamed myself you never did, that has been huge for me. I know how much you wanted Addison.

Anytime I had a contraction your hand was the one I wanted to hold. That night you wouldn't even go sleep on the couch because it was too far away from me. You were there and you were my rock. When it came down to the actual birth and you wanted it to be just for the two of us that was ok. I wanted you to be the one with me. Holding each other when Addison came into this world was a feeling like no other. When they handed her to me I couldn't wait to hand her to her daddy. Not because I didn't want to hold her, but because I couldn't wait to see you with her. The way you looked at her and me is something I will never forget. You love her so completely and that love assures me 100% that you are the right man for me.

I have never felt so loved and so protected. I used to joke that I didn't know if you would jump in front of a bullet for me, but you did that day and everyone saw it. My dad has always felt like he was my protector, but that day he was able to pass that job to you, that is such a huge deal. You were always loved by my family, but that day you stopped being their son-in-law/brother-in-law and became their son and brother.

You are so amazing and wonderful. Thank you for taking such good care of me, for loving me and our daughter. For letting me cry on you and being so patient with me. The statistics for divorce after a loss like this are so high, but I know we will be ok. If we can survive this we can survive anything. You make me stronger and better every day and I can't imagine my life with anyone, but you. You are the best team mate, the best husband and I am madly in love with you. I so look forward to the day when we have our "take home baby" that baby has no idea how lucky they will be to have you as their father. Addison is so lucky that you are her daddy; our love for her is as perfect as she is and I can't think of anything better we could have given her.

I feel like because neither of us were head over heels in love the first time we saw each other it has allowed us to move closer towards that every day. If we had started out being nothing, but crazy for each other there would be nowhere to go, but down. We have been climbing up every day getting closer to that. I really feel like we are so lucky that our love is like that, it just gets better and better. I may not have had the butterflies in the beginning, but I have them now. You make me smile.

Thank you for being my husband and my daughter's father. I couldn't have asked for a better man. Happy Valentine's Day, I love you today and every day.

My Graduation from SPS

Just a day on the lake
Our first cruise

My favorite moment from our wedding

Just after Addison was born

***Added later Brian's response***

After reading this blog, I'm a little speechless. I love you more with each passing day! I love the life we have made together! I love to tell our story; as you said, it isn't movie love, it's real love! I love our daughter! I love that you love me!

It was early on in our relationship you told me I had one year to decide if I wanted to marry you and after that point, if I didn't have an answer, I was wasting your time. At that point I should have run for the hills!! But it was at that same point, that I knew I WANTED to marry you. Your honesty, your values, your love of family, and your great personality were all very clear from the beginning.

I bought a house hoping with you by my side, we'd make it a home. I gotta be honest, the idea of babies seemed nice but was not a "must have" for me. I'm not only scared of how badly I'll mess them up in life but I'm also terrified of the world our children will live in. However, as our relationship grew and our love grew, I saw your love for EVERYONE and I knew you would make a terrific mother who would instill all of the most valuable life lessons into our children. You helped me feel less scared of how badly I'll screw them up or how the world would look to them because with you by my side, you would make everything right!

As the days grew closer to getting to meet our Addison I got more excited by the moment. When I got the call at my office that I needed to come and be with you, I KNEW instantly our lives would be forever changed. When I walked in to the room my heart sank to new lows. Our little girl, who you baked so perfectly, would never get to know how much we loved her. Addison may not live with us today but she will always live on inside our hearts and minds. She has touched us both in unexpected ways and made us stronger people and a strong couple!

I could never blame you for anything regarding Addison. You made pregnancy look easy and as if you'd done it 100 times before. Without bending even one rule of pregnancy, you never complained or whined of the discomforts or sleepless nights. Even while delivering Addison, you handled it with grace and strength I don't know I could have mustered myself.

Our love will be forever. Our love will not fade. Through thick and thin you are my partner. I am the lucky-est man alive to have such a beautiful and wonderful woman by my side. I know I can be a "man" and have a hard time saying these words to you as often as I should but know deep inside, I think them all day and every day.

Thank you for being my wife, my love and my friend. I look forward to holding hands with you till the day I die!


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