I write the most when I am sad because it is my own free therapy. I keep telling myself I need to write when I have a good day so people know I am not depressed! Yesterday and today I would classify as "good days". It's hard because I am always a little sad, but days like today and yesterday I get glimpses of my old self. The sun is out and I don't feel like crying, that is a good day!
I love being able to think about Addison without crying. I hope the smiles outnumber the tears in the months to come. I had a client come into this office today who didn't know yet. He happens to be my most favorite client and I was happy to see him. I knew he would ask and for the first time I was really ready for it. It is the first time I have told someone where afterwards I felt like I did it right. I said all the things I wanted to and was still able to comfort him. He is a big teddy bear of a man and got all teary eyed, we must have hugged 20 times before he left. I could tell he was surprised that I was able to talk about her, but I was proud of myself.
I felt really good when he left. I got to share my baby with him and I didn't completely ruin his day by telling him. That just added to my good day. Since I have been back at work at least once a day I lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes just to breathe and have some alone time. I didn't do that once today. I also take my lunch time to just sit in my car and be alone with myself to re-group before I go in to work, it's usually 15 minutes plus today it was only 5...baby steps!
So here it is in black and white, good days do exist. I miss my sweet girl like crazy, but today I can smile for her.