Monday, January 10, 2011

Footprints

Addi's prints from the hospital
Well, we made to our favorite restaurant. We were lucky because all the girls came up to us at once so we only had to say it the one time. It was easier than I had imagined. Now, I am really glad that we had to tell them and that they know because this is a place we can go where the people know that we have a daughter and she really existed, not just to us, but to them too.

On Saturday I had plans to clean my house, but instead I just wanted to do Addison related things. I did give one dog a bath, but that's the only none Addison related thing I accomplished. I was given this great website that makes necklaces with your child's actual footprint on it from a friend. I really wanted to get Addi's print scanned into the computer so I could get my necklace ordered. I went over to my parent's house and my brother got the print all scanned in for me (he is a really great brother) and the necklace is ordered. It will have her actual footprint on the front and her name and birth date on the back; I will post a picture when it comes in. I know it is just a necklace, but since it would be weird for most people if I carried around a picture of Addi, it will be nice for me to have something of hers that I can share with people without freaking them out. These tiny footprints have more meaning than I ever could have imagined.
I also sent her prints to another website that turns them into butterflies. When the butterfly print comes in I will make thank you cards/birth announcements with them to send out...since I can't put a real picture of my sweet baby on there, I thought that would be a cute alternative.

I also started on a second picture book, since the first one turned out so well with all our hospital photos, I wanted to make a book of all our pregnancy photos. I think I will call it "40 weeks with Addison". Any project I can do about her makes me happy...I hope I don't run out of projects too soon!

Last night Brian and I were watching a movie together. I was lying beside him with my hand on his chest, all the sudden I thought "wow, Addison would fit perfect right here"....shit, enter the tears. There are so many girls out there with daddy issues and I know Addi wouldn't have been one. It's a pretty safe bet that she would have been a daddy's girl...she already had Brian wrapped around her little finger, they would have been inseparable.

I go to a lot a banks for work and I went into one today that I hadn't been to since I was pregnant. Thankfully the lady already knew so I didn't have to explain it to her. She asked if she could hug me...funny to be asked by so many people, but it is nice. For the most part this lady is a stranger, but we have this "bank" relationship, I so appreciate people like her, in the grand scheme of things I am nobody to her, but Addison is forever in her thoughts, really heartwarming.

For the record, I am super excited about the cruise we are going on in March, but I would trade all the cruises in the world to be with Addison. We weren’t going originally because we didn’t want to leave our new baby and babies under 6 months aren’t aloud. It was after we lost her that my parents tried to add us to their cruise and found there was still time to add us. Yes, my parents are super wonderful! I had a pregnant friend say she was jealous of our cruise…well I’m jealous that you are having a baby and I‘m not!...I know she didn’t mean it, but the thought still went through my head…I’m dealing pretty well, but I still have my moments. I have been warned a lot that people say dumb things after something like this so I can usually bite my tongue or I have an answer ready to go.

Still feeling numb this week, I keep waiting for it to pass. Sleep is still hard to come by so I took some Advil pm last night…it was hard getting up this morning, but at least I didn’t lay there for hours last night trying to fall asleep. It’s definitely not a habit I want to form, but I really needed a good night’s sleep.

I really need a new or at least another focus. I will get working on that and I’ll let you know what I come up with. There are already a few things on my mind, so it’s time to make a list and start checking things off one by one!

Thank you to everyone who comments, texts, messages or sends cards to us still. It is SO appreciated. You will never know how much even the shortest of messages helps us. I get so much peace knowing that I am not the only one thinking of and missing our sweet Addi.

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