Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Things I have learned

In the hospital I told Brian that I knew there would be lesson in this situation somewhere and while I know there is still more to learn, here is what I have so far.

1. My family is amazing (I already knew that, but even more so now).

2. My parents are more ready to be grandparents than I ever imagined, watching them with Addison was even more heartbreaking knowing that she had been taken from them as well.

3. My sister would do ANYTHING I ask of her (including clean my house)! My brother at 17 looks darn good holding a newborn...who knew?!? :)

4. People I wouldn't have expected to be affected by our situation have come out of the woodwork to offer support.

5. The people I consider my good friends are actually just an extension of my family :)

6. The two of us and I are a million times stronger than I ever thought possible.

7. I loved my husband before all of this, but I am so in love with him now...this was truly a sink or swim scenario and man can he swim!

8. It is better to say something than nothing at all, even if you say "I don't know what to say" that is good. Don't avoid us...that is really annoying.

9. It's ok to not know what to say to us...we don't always know what to say to you!

10. I want to talk about Addison, I don't necessarily want to talk about my feelings, but ask me anything Addison and I am good with that.

11. I may or may not cry when talking about Addison, but either way it's ok.

12. If I need to cry...I cry

13. I am so proud to be Addison's mom and would love to show off her pictures, but I understand that not everyone would feel comfortable to look at them and so I will never ask if you want to see, but if you ask me to see them I would love to show you (in person not via email).

14. Some people find it weird that we held Addison and took pictures of her...I say to that "bite me"! Unless you have gone through this, you don't know what you would do and that was all the time we got with her and I wasn't going to waste a second of it!

15. I'm not angry with God.

16. I refuse to go on like everything is the same, nothing will ever be the same.

17. I am committed to being better, Addison's life means something and I am not sure what changes to make first, but there will be change for the better.

18. I love Addison more than I have ever loved anyone else.

19. I am still a mom whether my daughter is here with me or not.

20. When we are ready to try again, I know that that baby will NEVER replace Addison, but that the new baby will be a gift from Addison. We would never have tried for a second baby so soon after the first and therefore the next baby will be here because of Addison.

21. No lesson is great enough to be worth the price of your child. Period.

Ok, well that is it for now, but I know there will be more :)

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